Anonymous wrote:I have pretty bad social anxiety and am working through it with a therapist. But it’s hard - I don’t have any friends to hang out with and every time I meet other moms I feel so out of. It breaks my heart to see they my kids also have anxiety. I don’t want them to live the way I did.

I work easily 50-60 hours a week and am so tired. I realize work is taking up too much of my time and identity. I desperately want to change this but don’t know how.

My mom passed away when I was young and have dealt with a lifetime of consequences - emotional neglect by father who I suspect is on the spectrum and depression (now mild, used to be severe during teen years and well into 20s). I live in fear that I may not live long. My mom passed away when she was 36.

I have a very distant relationship with my family of origin who lives in a different continent. We speak maybe couple times per year on the phone. Father had little interest in my kids. Brother is married but still immature. What I would give to have a mom I can call everyday and tell her everything.

That is tough. Anxiety appears to have some genetic components to it according to psychiatrists so don’t blame yourself.

How old are you kids? Do you have to work that many hours? That’s a lot to handle. It’s difficult to meet other mothers because you’re always working. I only worked part time so I met some at home and part time mothers too. I never got to know the full time working moms. Again, this isn’t your fault.

What does family of origin mean?

Immediately - I am staying in a hotel because when I woke my husband up to ask him to out on a snore strip (I have been woken up by his snoring and asked him to get some for the past 2 nights before this) he stormed out of the room, broke a glass in the living room, blamed me for the broken glass, called me an ***hole. We have no spare room so I went to a hotel.
So… that’s my current battle. And obv just the tip of the iceberg

I have pretty bad social anxiety and am working through it with a therapist. But it’s hard - I don’t have any friends to hang out with and every time I meet other moms I feel so out of. It breaks my heart to see they my kids also have anxiety. I don’t want them to live the way I did.

I work easily 50-60 hours a week and am so tired. I realize work is taking up too much of my time and identity. I desperately want to change this but don’t know how.

My mom passed away when I was young and have dealt with a lifetime of consequences - emotional neglect by father who I suspect is on the spectrum and depression (now mild, used to be severe during teen years and well into 20s). I live in fear that I may not live long. My mom passed away when she was 36.

I have a very distant relationship with my family of origin who lives in a different continent. We speak maybe couple times per year on the phone. Father had little interest in my kids. Brother is married but still immature. What I would give to have a mom I can call everyday and tell her everything.

Anonymous wrote:I have huge fibroids that are growing and I’m only 45 so they won’t be shrinking anytime soon. But I don’t want to get cut open and I don’t want to lose my uterus. Otoh I’m tired of looking and feeling so bloated (pregnant) and tired. I constantly worry what is the best choice.

Have you been to a doctor? There are laser treatments these days (forgetting the name) that will shrink the fibroids. No need for open surgery.

I had a rough childhood and now, a mom in my thirties, am waking up to all the insidious ways the abuse, abandonment and neglect I experienced has impacted my relationships and self worth. My marriage has been a struggle for some time. My husband’s emotional reactivity, critical nature and financial issues worsened with COVID, until I hit a wall and I left him last year. After some time apart we decided to keep working on our marriage and while there has been improvement, it’s still so hard.

I have been in survival mode since the separation. Therapy, medication and self care help, but I feel this inside me at a cellular level.

One senior leader in my company has been a strong advocate for me during this time. I’ve felt a connection to him since we met, though he is much older and from a different part of the world. The practical support and kindness that he has shown me and rallied from others during this time has had such an impact. It also surfaces grief that other people in my life have not shown up for me in the same way. I feel so much love and appreciation for him, and I wish I could have met him, or someone like him, under different circumstances.

He is ostensibly happily married but I feel that he cares deeply, maybe romantically, for me too. Thankfully we do not spend much time in person together, because when we do I feel something between us and I worry others notice. I actively try to be as warm and friendly with others and keep my distance from him so it’s less noticeable.

I know we cannot be together, but I fantasize about being intimate with him daily. This has been going on some time. He is ostensibly happily married with a beautiful family. Breaching our professional relationship would blow up both our lives.

I hope these feelings will pass into something less intense soon.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I can't and don't want to take another breath. I don't want to be here anymore.

Please reach out to someone. The suicide hotline is 988.

Anonymous wrote:Several years ago became chronically ill/disabled. Have gone through hell physically. My husband started treating me terribly when my health issues emerged, but I lost a lot of my ability to work, so I’m financially dependent on him. Am very traumatized by what I’ve gone though physically but also emotionally, dealing with husband, the work world, and the medical system. Was not able to have kids because of my health, which has been so painful. Feel extremely isolated from my peers since our lives have diverged and also my health issues limit some of my ability to socialize.

I can still work somewhat (though less than half time), and I’m grateful for every hour I can work. I met with a divorce lawyer today, which gave me the first taste of empowerment I’ve had in a while, but leaving is still very risky financially. It might not be possible. Please send good vibes if you’re able.

Good vibes sent your way!!!!!!

Anonymous wrote:Uncomfortable with the amount of alcohol I drink (3/4 - 1 1/4 bottle 4-6 nights per week) but can't seem to stop. It affects other things in my life (energy and makes it harder to lose the weight I need to).

Same! It is difficult.

Anonymous wrote:I was promoted into a leadership role in a company that is circling the toilet. I knew it was bad, but not this bad. There are no good solutions. I am doing my best but it’s looking more and more likely that the ship is going down on my watch. I’ve worked here 20+ years, feel tremendous responsibility for the people on my team, and am heavily invested in our mission, which makes it even harder.

They call this the Glass Cliff. Happens frequently to women and minorities. Set up to fail. Burns my soul.

I have huge fibroids that are growing and I’m only 45 so they won’t be shrinking anytime soon. But I don’t want to get cut open and I don’t want to lose my uterus. Otoh I’m tired of looking and feeling so bloated (pregnant) and tired. I constantly worry what is the best choice.

I was promoted into a leadership role in a company that is circling the toilet. I knew it was bad, but not this bad. There are no good solutions. I am doing my best but it’s looking more and more likely that the ship is going down on my watch. I’ve worked here 20+ years, feel tremendous responsibility for the people on my team, and am heavily invested in our mission, which makes it even harder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp. oh I see 10 mos! I believe you that you have the feelings you write about but this sounds so much like my friends ex!

He found a new love when his dc was 3 (divorced my friend) The new love …”They were soul- mates, so much in love.” No one ever had a connection like this. Soon Married. Divorced a few years later. Now his dd has no contact with that stepmother and step siblings.

Please ask yourself why he is divorced with a 4 yr old.

He absolutely may have a 100% legitimate reason but the way you described him and your relationship sounds eerily similar. Wishing you well.

He was not married. Accidental pregnancy with a girlfriend and their relationship was not strong. He would have preferred she terminate but she wanted a baby. He’d told her he wasn’t financially or emotionally ready well before she got pregnant. So he tried to make it work with her for a year or so for the sake of the child but he was miserable and had to leave. They coparent fine.

I’m under no delusion that he is my soul mate or the only good match for me out there. It’s just a numbers game. I said that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I never found someone like this again, and that’s the truth—I have never put a huge emphasis on finding a life partner. I have been in longish relationships with many men and have turned down two proposals. All I know is this feels different. For the first time ever in my life, leaving would be incredibly heartbreaking and difficult.

Then go for it! Parenting is hard even in strong intact families. Be there for each other, show kindness and love to each other, the dc, the mom. That’s all you can do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lost my hearing in one ear over night a few years ago. Finally felt like I was making peace with it, and now my hearing is failing in the other ear. I'm having a very hard time coming to terms with losing sound in my life. No more music, no more hearing my daughter's voice, no more having security around knowing what's going on around me, probably no more socializing. I'm only 55. It's making me beyond anxious - every morning I wake up and check if I can still hear. One night last week I got tinnitus so bad in the hearing ear that it jolted me awake - it was like a siren going off. Things are declining and it's just hard to manage.

There are hearing aids for single sided deafness! Choose to find a solution! Here is a start: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1158764.page

Thank you! Yes I tried the CROS, didn’t work for me, actually got a cochlear implant which is helpful but I thought it would work with my good ear. To now face full deafness and that be it? Just hard to stomach. But thank you that was very kind!

Anonymous wrote:A lifetime of chronic illness and autoimmune diseases coupled with aging and I'm unable to keep going daily a s I'm so scared for my future as I have no one.

same except I have people=kids/hubby but feel on a deeper level totally alone

Anonymous wrote:A kid with special needs. When she's in a good place I'm fine but always waiting for something to go wrong. And then it does. And I want to curl up and hide, disappear, make it all go away. But we always eventually get back to an ok place. Right now we are not in an ok place.

I so sympathize with this. When my DS was young, he struggled with a chronic illness that waxed and waned. When it flared, everything felt so bleak. When he was better, everything seemed brighter, but I was always waiting for the bad times to return. Everything felt so fragile. *I* felt so fragile.

I hope things look up for your DD very soon-- and stay up long enough for you to put the bad times out of your mind for a while.