Reply to AITA for not wanting DH to give MIL 4K to clear a debt

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[quote=Anonymous]		I’m on your side op mostly because you can insist all you want, but you have no way to prevent mom from saying “oops, I forgot” a bill. You also can’t make the money go where you want it to go either.

Think of insurance, you have it to cover a specific event. You can’t call your car insurance and say “I’ve been a real good driver, I know you have the money, hand me what you’d pay if I wrecked my car.. I haven’t wrecked my car, but I know I won’t, so hand it to me so I can put a new roof on my house”. And, even insurance needs proof that an event actually happened.

My problem with people who hit family and friends up for money is that they know exactly what they’re doing and how to pit people against each other and they don’t care. They also know that once the money is given, they can do whatever they want.  Obviously, you can get in a car wreck, get insurance money and *not* replace your car, the point is that you have had to have been in a verifiable car wreck, beyond “Hey insurance, trust me on this okay”

All this being said, think about why you don’t like your mother-in-law, or your husband’s relationship or behavior regarding her. Are you upset that she got to stay home with kids and you don’t? That used to infuriate me when my husband spoke fondly of his stay-at-home while also telling me we couldn’t afford it. I’m home with my kids now.

Does your husband tell you we can’t afford something you want and then he’s happy to hand money over to his mom? That would annoy me too, if we can’t afford something I’d like, then we can’t afford it, but how come we can hand money over to someone else?  These are all valid things to bring up.

As for the childcare for your sister, that won’t work out the way you may be thinking. It’s also strange your mother-in-law doesn’t want to work but does want to care for her grandchild. Grandma is very different then being a mom. My mom was shocked at how much things had changed from the time I was a baby to the time when I had kids. I can remember her very sincerely offering to take care of one of my kids when I might have to be away for a for a few weeks and things like the carseat really frustrating her. She said “at that age, I just told you to get your butt in the car” and the thing is, she did.. I remember it.    
Stick to your guns, op. $4k is a lot of money but beyond that, it’s the principal and the way you’ll be asked again and again. And, for those of you who talk about tithing, op’s mother-in-law isn’t a church. We belong to a church and we tithe, and I have to say I wonder why every time I see the church tell me it’s my turn to clean the building for free. I pay to have someone clean my house once a month, why would I clean a building for free and not even on my own schedule at that?   
 
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