Reply to I was so naive re marriage, career and kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband really wanted kids. He assured me would be the primarily caregiver.

I am very focused on my career and wrk long hours.

He assured me that he would be happy to be the primary caregiver

Now this has called a lot of resentment.

He does do drop off and pick up in 75% of cases.

But he does none of the cooking, admin, finding daycare, applying for passport, etc.

He thinks I should do that because I do less of the direct care.

If I need to work on the weekend, I have to hire a babysitter so that he can play video games. He can’t handle more than 3 hours taking care of a toddler.

I work 60 hours a week and he works 45 hours a week.

I have no free time.

He has plenty.

Love the baby and I like my career.

Our marriage is strained because we fight about childcare and tasks all the time.

I thought that it’s possible for a guy to be the main caretaker.

Was naive.

Marriages work much better when they follow traditional gender roles, except for a few circumstances. But that’s the exception not the rule.

Unfortunately I make more than he does so I cannot step back.

I am exhausted and resentful of him.

[/quote]Your husband is a d-bag not because of the tasks, but because he lies to manipulate you into getting what he wants.  Sell his video games/stuff so that he contributes 1/3 and you contribute 2/3 of the babysitting expenses.  Has he tried a mealkit--really helpful for non-intellectuals/stressed to do the cooking?  Can he order doordash?  You can do the admin, passport, and daycare as you are the brains.  When gender roles are reversed, men often do additional chores other than paychecks such as trash, lawn, etc.  You need to be using your money to delegate to hired staff/local teens, but DH can sell his things.  Also, once you find a pre-school, life may get a lot easier for you both-do that first.[/quote]

She does not get to “sell” things that belong to him. You are absurd.[/quote]

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