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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One of my best friends immigrated to the US in her twenties. She worked as a nanny and housekeeper until she married a young graduate student. He was like a Nate without the money but was wonderful with her young son and completely in love with her. She wasn’t attracted to him at first but when he asked her to marry him, she said yes because she thought she could grow to love him. And she did and they have a very happy and stable family home twenty years later. [/quote]
She probably didn’t grow up in a dysfunctional family like the main character [/quote]

She grew up without a father. Does that count?[/quote]
No, if her mom was a normal person... in fact it’s healthier to grow up without a
Parent than with a mentally ill abusive or neglectful parent imo[/quote]
I thought her mom was maybe manic depressive or bipolar.
She was not a bad person. Plenty of people have parents who are not perfect. A parent out there some where is better than no parent[/quote]

Not sure I agree with this. At one point she said, "I've been taking care of my mother since I was six," and that hit home so hard. Having a chronically mentally ill parent can be completely soul sucking, especially if it's just you and the parent, with no buffers. When the women at the shelter said, "what would it be like if you didn't take care of her?" she couldn't even contemplate the question. Even when she is at her most desperate, she can't rely on her mother, and her mother only makes her feel guilty for not meeting [i]her[/i] needs. I can tell you from experience that that completely screws you up as an adult and can make it impossible to hold boundaries or rely on anyone but yourself ever. That's why she kept turning down help--she could not trust that anyone would really care for her. Might also explain why she couldn't trust her father, even though it seemed like he might not be the same person he was in the past. When no one ever has your back, you don't trust anyone to ever have your back. And you don't feel worthy, even when good people try to help (like Nate). 
[/quote]

I agree. I grew up with a mentally ill mother and enabling father. Though my mom tried to be the best parent she could and taught me great things she also screwed me up and my dad never stood up to her. I have major boundary issues and it’s hard for me to accept help or rely on anyone [/quote]

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