Reply to Disaster coming with brother and fiancé

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Would you be happy if it were a “promise” ring instead of an “engagement” ring? Since the timeline is so distressing to you? It’s obviously not distressing your brother. If it does, that’s for him to discuss with her. [/quote]

It is distressing him, according to my mother. And I believe her. She was concerned when he called her and told her they couldn’t marry in May, the date his fiancé had set, unexpectedly. He said that, and said it was due to “a lot of problems” according to mom, who has liked every one of his romantic partners. I don’t want to stress him, but I don’t want my mom to be stressed over this total bullshit. This woman hasn’t been straight that she requires a very long engagement in order to retain housing and school arrangements. She’s encouraging her daughter to call my mom (have met twice) “grandma” and has dropped suggestions that she wants to get pregnant - when she can’t cohabitate with my brother. It’s all manipulative, and all the snark in the world here doesn’t change that. [/quote]

He’s a big boy. If he’s distressed, he can talk to his fiancée about it, not his mommy.

So you’re concerned that the engagement will be too long? You’re concerned that she’s serious about the relationship even though you believe that she either wants a very long engagement, or wants to get married right away? Are you really just concerned about the status of the ring here? You’ve mentioned the ring a bunch of time and it really seems to bug you.

Look, she’s clearly serious, and so is he. I suggest you unhook yourself from the details of their engagement, their real estate, and her child’s financial aid. If you care about a relationship with your brother, make a good-hearted effort to get to know his new family. Whether or not they legally marry at any time (and some never do and are perfectly happy), they seem committed, and there is no good outcome for you for resisting that.

Also, if she’s  Mitchell-Lama she will not lose her apartment  if she loses income eligibility, she’ll just pay a surcharge. The surcharge isn’t that bad, either.  I doubt that is what is keeping her from marrying. Regardless, it’s not your business, at all.[/quote]

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