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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you are missing some core facts.  A 16 year lease on an apartment isn’t a thing.[/quote]

I think I caught that they are in NYC. In NYC, rent-controlled apartments are frequently passed down from parents to children. Keeping it isn’t crazy at all. Maybe OP doesn’t understand this. [/quote]

If this is the case, OP and her family are really off-base criticizing the SIL.  Preserving that kind of deal plus private tuition is really important.  They can get married when the kid graduates.  In the meantime, it makes ZERO sense to get married soon.  SIL would be crazy to do so.  Absolutely crazy.[/quote]

OP and I agree with you about this. But SIL wants to get married and get her precious ring and keep the apartment and keep her kid in a private and have a baby right now - is attempting to get pregnant from what she told my mom - and have my brother make this happen on a not-rich salary. It’s impossible. I think they shouldn’t marry but she apparently wants to. My brother is making an error on a few levels, but is not asking her to relinquish the apartment. Nor am I. But she doesn’t -want- a long engagement, and she can’t have her 11 year old live in it alone. What I’m telling you all is that what she wants cannot possibly be accomplished, and she wants to sacrifice nothing while having an engagement and potentially involving a newborn. They should not marry, or revisit when the child leaves home.  To accept a ring and claim you’ll marry (she set a date of this past May, my brother told us, before “issues” he would not elaborate came up) is just flat-out dishonesty. And I think her selfishness at the beach house is just part of that character - everyone else pays or sacrifices, not her. It’s unreal. She should keep her apartment and just either explain it will be a 7-9 year engagement or end it. Or my brother should just get read about this.[/quote]

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