Reply to what do SAHMs do once kids are in school?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, what is your issue? So what if you hear the washing machine, some loads take longer then others. And so what if she picks up the kids toys when you're home, one could argue your kids should be doing that. Is something else going on? Does she seem depressed? I would be if I had to live with you, but aside from that, does she? You just seem very micromanaging from where I sit. You mention she hasn't done long term projects, what are these? And does the school day allow for them? What with Christmas and spring break and summer kids aren't in school all that long. Don't forget snow days and teacher workdays. [/quote]

This is not a fair statement.  I can't remember the last time I came home and wasn't walking over/on top of clothes strewn across the bedroom and hallway floor.  More often than not, we are out of basic foods and I have to keep reminding her to go shopping.  Our fridge hasn't been cleaned out since we were both working and had a housecleaner (which we now can't afford).  I am often picking up the family room and I think I'm the only one that vacuums - ever.  I put up the holiday decorations, I ordered, signed and mailed out our Christmas cards, I pay the bills, and I have signed our kids up for the afternoon activities (because she has missed a few deadlines in the past and I'm worried the kids will miss out if I don't do it.)  If I were micromanaging, I'd have given her a "to-do" list and been on her back last year when this started.  I've been overlooking it all and trying to pick up the pieces for a long time and am now just talking about it (even if it's on an anonymous forum).  I am VERY laid back but am getting increasingly frustrated.  It is hurting our relationship because it no longer feels like a partnership - it feels like everything is falling on my shoulders except babysitting the kids from 3-6 (when I get home) and doing the bare minimum when pushed and nagged and reminded a dozen times.

Clearly, my situation is not the normal SAHM situation - I see that.

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I haven't read every post so forgive me if I'm repeating.

But OP, I sympathize. I'm more in your wife's shoes. My youngest just started kindergarten this year. We just moved here. But I'm having a hard time getting myself going. I waste a lot of time during the day. (I still do all the laundry and cooking and grocery shopping. And all the Christmas present shopping and all the cards. (though I only got to a few this year.) The thing is, I think I'm depressed. Staying home with kids is as rewarding as hell, but it's also very isolated. I don't have a routine here, I don't have friends. I want to go back to work or school, but it's hard to get away from the internet. My husband hasn't started nagging me. And I wouldn't want him to. But I would love it if he'd support me in getting my butt in gear. That is, if he'd talk to me seriously about his concern and maybe I could create my own goals and a plan for how to achieve them. (Or a schedule for hte week or whatever. Or ways to create a social life. whatever. I'd love his support, and then his checking in with me on it. I bet your wife doesn't feel good about how she's living. Maybe she could use a little therapy. But talk to her directly and lovingly about your feelings and say you feel unsupported and need her to step up. and ask if there's something else she'd rather be doing and brainstorm about how to get there. Maybe she'd rather be working and hire some help at home. Or something![/quote]

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