Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yep these threads always bring out the feminists to tell you you aren't a good mother or role model for your children unless you are career driven. Oh and that they are better people, more competent and enlightened. Anyone who stays at home is weak, controlled by their husband and so in the dark ages that it isn't even comprehensible.
And people wondered in the feminazi thread why some women don't identify as feminists.
I don't think these things (as a WOHM), but on the flip side, I also get sick of hearing from SAHMs how they are such better mothers than us. That isn't true either. Nor is it true that SAHMs pick up the slack from us WOHMs at schools, etc. That is almost laughable based on my experience (which of course isn't universal).
SAHM is a great choice for many families. It isn't a choice at all though for some families (where mom's income is needed to pay the bills) and in some cases, a person - like myself - just wants to keep her career.
Anonymous wrote:Yep these threads always bring out the feminists to tell you you aren't a good mother or role model for your children unless you are career driven. Oh and that they are better people, more competent and enlightened. Anyone who stays at home is weak, controlled by their husband and so in the dark ages that it isn't even comprehensible.
And people wondered in the feminazi thread why some women don't identify as feminists.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, what is your issue? So what if you hear the washing machine, some loads take longer then others. And so what if she picks up the kids toys when you're home, one could argue your kids should be doing that. Is something else going on? Does she seem depressed? I would be if I had to live with you, but aside from that, does she? You just seem very micromanaging from where I sit. You mention she hasn't done long term projects, what are these? And does the school day allow for them? What with Christmas and spring break and summer kids aren't in school all that long. Don't forget snow days and teacher workdays.
This is not a fair statement. I can't remember the last time I came home and wasn't walking over/on top of clothes strewn across the bedroom and hallway floor. More often than not, we are out of basic foods and I have to keep reminding her to go shopping. Our fridge hasn't been cleaned out since we were both working and had a housecleaner (which we now can't afford). I am often picking up the family room and I think I'm the only one that vacuums - ever. I put up the holiday decorations, I ordered, signed and mailed out our Christmas cards, I pay the bills, and I have signed our kids up for the afternoon activities (because she has missed a few deadlines in the past and I'm worried the kids will miss out if I don't do it.) If I were micromanaging, I'd have given her a "to-do" list and been on her back last year when this started. I've been overlooking it all and trying to pick up the pieces for a long time and am now just talking about it (even if it's on an anonymous forum). I am VERY laid back but am getting increasingly frustrated. It is hurting our relationship because it no longer feels like a partnership - it feels like everything is falling on my shoulders except babysitting the kids from 3-6 (when I get home) and doing the bare minimum when pushed and nagged and reminded a dozen times.
Clearly, my situation is not the normal SAHM situation - I see that.
\Anonymous wrote:There is great value, studies show, in a parent being home after school during middle school and high school years. On a personal note, good Family friends, with 3 kids, all super kids (2 went to Harvard) but moreover they never got into too muCh trouble, but many of their friends did. We asked what they thought made the difference for them, and they said having mom at home after school and checking up on us with social stuff, etc.
THat really resonates with me and my own experience. It's a decision we have made for me to be home, especially during those yeArs and I feel extremely lucky. They may still screw up, but I have to think I'll see the signs earlier.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:"Clearly, neither of you has my husband's job. Might you even consider that some people have jobs in which they are not able to take off the way you are as to? "
Then the other spouse is essentially forced to SAH or work pt, and hopefully the spouse with the inflexible job is being paid enough to compensate for the inflexibility.
Over $2 million per year. Yes, it's a worthwhile trade-off for us for a few years. I can still do some project work, but nothing that requires me to travel, work long hours on short notice, or work long hours regularly. Actually, I "could" do those things, but it would not make sense for us and he amount that we feel some parent should be available to our kids and for family issues. I'm no less competent than my friends who are currently working FT or PT because I stay home. We're doing what's best for our family, and what will allow us all the most flexibility in the near future.
I'm sure in your case that's correct. But for people not in the 99.5% of annual income, if you're a parent, you need to come up with ways to get flexibility. My DH and I both make about $100,000. Good salaries, but we still need to be flexible in our jobs if we are going to co parent. Your spouse's time is very clearly being bought by his employer and so of course at that income level he can't have any flexibility.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:"Clearly, neither of you has my husband's job. Might you even consider that some people have jobs in which they are not able to take off the way you are as to? "
Then the other spouse is essentially forced to SAH or work pt, and hopefully the spouse with the inflexible job is being paid enough to compensate for the inflexibility.
Over $2 million per year. Yes, it's a worthwhile trade-off for us for a few years. I can still do some project work, but nothing that requires me to travel, work long hours on short notice, or work long hours regularly. Actually, I "could" do those things, but it would not make sense for us and he amount that we feel some parent should be available to our kids and for family issues. I'm no less competent than my friends who are currently working FT or PT because I stay home. We're doing what's best for our family, and what will allow us all the most flexibility in the near future.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:"........or that you can do everything that I do and more. "
Yes, that IS my point as a full time working mom. We didn't have to give up half of our household income to lower our stress. I own it, I do think people who can't both work and raise children may be less competent than I am.
What makes you think I "can't" do it? I did it for years and enjoy being home more right now. And I'm sufficient competent that I've offered three positions in the past year without even looking.
I didn't say that....I said "may be" less competent.
And a cherry tree may be taller or shorter than a peach tree. Your "may be" caveat doesn't take away from your obvious view that there's a correlation. I'm simply responding that it's not so in my case. As you say, own it.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:"........or that you can do everything that I do and more. "
Yes, that IS my point as a full time working mom. We didn't have to give up half of our household income to lower our stress. I own it, I do think people who can't both work and raise children may be less competent than I am.
What makes you think I "can't" do it? I did it for years and enjoy being home more right now. And I'm sufficient competent that I've offered three positions in the past year without even looking.
I didn't say that....I said "may be" less competent.
Anonymous wrote:"Clearly, neither of you has my husband's job. Might you even consider that some people have jobs in which they are not able to take off the way you are as to? "
Then the other spouse is essentially forced to SAH or work pt, and hopefully the spouse with the inflexible job is being paid enough to compensate for the inflexibility.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:"Once the kids walk through the door at 3pm it is all kids all the time until 8:30 0r 9pm. I have a 5 hr day right there! "
Gosh golly. How haaaard it is. I get the luxury of getting up at 6:15 am to get my older kids off to middle and high school, then working from 8 to 5. Pick the younger kid up from afterschool care at 5:30, then my "5 hour day" starts.
You sound like friends in law school who used to compete to win the title of Most Exhausted, Most Overworked, and the like. That's just silly. Why should some other family decide to fill their life with additional stress and commitments just because that's a badge you seem I think we should envy or emulate?
I don't think other families should add stress and commitments. I do think people should think before they post about a "5 hour workday" when there are obviously people working virtually all their waking hours - that's what I was reacting to, the obliviousness of some SAHMs to the realities of others' lives.