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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a cheater ... he probably did it because he could. I could cite low self esteem, some unresolved issues and resentments, anger with my husband.  But real reason is that I was selfish and unwilling to face the issues I had. I met somebody and felt a connection and hadn't felt that for ages and decided the risk was worth it, and I went with it.

Cheaters are jerks. Immature and unable to deal with the reality of the present. Cheating gives you a mini-vacation from the stress of day to day life. It was the bright spot in my day that was otherwise beset with crap. But it isn't sustainable, because that bright spot belongs to somebody else. [/quote]

This is OP again.  How did you come to realize this about yourself? Did your husband feel like your life together was crap before your affair? I’m asking because I don’t see how my husband could have felt our life was crappy—I certainly didn’t! I suspect that “he did it because he could” is part of the reason, but I just don’t be get it!  I could sleep with someone I meet at a bar too, but I don’t because I love my DH, my kids and our life together.  This is a betrayal and also a rejection of me on so many levels. If this is the reason, he’s saying “I don’t care about you”, “I don’t care about our family”, “you’re not enough for me”, “you stupidly thought we were happy, but we’re not” and on and on.[/quote]
DP.. .I'm sure he does care about you and your family, BUT, he was also able to compartmentalize his selfish desires, and the two never intersected in his brain.  "What were you thinking".. "I wasn't".

I've mentioned this a few times in this thread, but the thing that gets to me is that he had a whole week to think about what he was doing, and he couldn't overcome the temptation.

I'm so sorry.  I would feel devastated too in your shoes.  I think DH and I have a good marriage. We have sex  regularly, so if he ever cheated, and planned it, I am not sure if I could ever get over that.  I think if it was a spur of the moment thing, he was drunk, etc.. that would be a lot easier to forgive. IMO, it's the combination of you thought you had a good marriage and the premeditation that I would have a huge problem with.

As you stated, we all have temptations, but it's a matter of whether you can overcome them because you love your spouse and family.

IMO, it's just pure selfishness.  His selfish desire was more important than your life together.    Wow, I'm feeling it just thinking about it happening to me.

What to do?  The answer is not so easy when you have young kids. I have two kids, too.   Can you ever forgive him?  Individual and couples therapy to see if you can ever forgive him and for you to get answers.[/quote]

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