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[quote=Anonymous]OP, there is nothing wrong with your daughter.  I was in the same situation as you. I worried because as moms we want our children to be happy and we worry when we see that they are being excluded.  This is what we did when DD was 12. Both of us read "Queen Bees and Wannabes" and while people think this book is about bullies, it also gives a great understanding of the hive mindset of preteen girls.

Taking her to a therapist because you think there is something wrong with her, may make her feel even more anxious and like a failure.  Mainly because there is nothing wrong with her. (My DD was adored by most adults because she was so mature and bright in her thinking).  Take her to a therapist to talk about how to handle girl cliques, if that.

Do not let her show these girls her need to be with them. To that end, having her in different activities helps to get out of that circle and helps her meet new people. Do not overdo stuff where you are trying to invite other children to expensive activities. That does not work and makes her and you seem desperate (which at this point you may be. Trust me that these girls can smell this and they can gang up against such a person.

Spend time with her and fill her days with so many activities that she is learning, growing, experiencing different things and therefore becoming an interesting person, but not really having too much time to sit around and mope.  Explore different activities with her.

The moment my kid moved to middle school, the small ES pond became a large lake and suddenly she found that there were other kids like her.  She started to do very well academically, and was involved in big or small way in most of the  school activities (played a tree in a school play - and that was fine)  even if she did not excel in those, She signed up for almost all clubs, every day after school.  HS became even better because the lake was now an ocean and what mattered was how great an applicant you were for high school.  My kid suddenly became a rockstar in school because the time that was spent in developing her EC skills and her academic skills was not starting to give her excellent returns and people were jockeying to be in activities and team with her. Even their parents became super nice. LOL

She is a graduate student now. She is very well-liked in every volunteer work, every club, every class, every internship, every presentation, every parttime job that she has done. She has flowered and now she looks back and thinks that what happened with her was actually the best thing for her. It made her self aware, made her more social (we practised small talk), and more able to stand on her own.  This experience has made me very close to my DD. We never had the mother-daughter falling out because I was her biggest cheerleader and always available. She has stayed on the straight and narrow and has a very strong and close group of friends.  You will have a similar outcome. All the best and please give hugs to your daughter.

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