Reply to Custody Issue - Pendente Lite VS. Divorce Decree

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a dad, I simply refuse to believe there are dads out there (in the DC area) that don't do the practices, games, PTCs,  field trips, camping trips etc.

I can't recall more than maybe one or two absent dads that weren't deployed. And I have 3 kids that are 14,13, and 9. What's that? Thirty six years of parenting.

This is as false narrative being pushed by angry women.[/quote]

So my DH is at a lot of the events but I'm the one who researched the activities, signed kid up, figured out how we'd get him to practices, made sure he had clean clothes for practice packed when we left that morning, that his uniform is ready for games, was on top of when practice was rained out and how we would get him home those days, when games were and that we were at the field on time, when we were supposed to bring the snacks and that we bought food for it and it was packed to go etc

So no, while my husband is spending the same 70minutes standing on the side of the field as I am, he does not get the same credit for for doing the last tiny bit of the effort involved - especially when its the fun part where we are basically socializing with friends - when I did all the work to make it happen x every aspect of our lives

Yes we both work full time[/quote]

Sorry, I get that there's some pre-event work required on some of these things but throwing the uniform on the DR table the night before and filling the Nalgene isn't as time consuming as getting up at 7 on a Saturday and driving across NOVA to watch 9 innings of baseball. Rained out games? There's no work involved there- it's a text from the league! Food for there? I have a backpack that is constantly filled with granola bars, pretzels, beef jerky, tuna salad, peanut butter crackers, gummy bears, etc.

But keep pushing the narrative that dads are worthless when it comes to rearing kids.[/quote]

This.  Putting the uni out before the game, knowing the game times/fields and getting snacks are great feats and require so much work and consternation?  And try standing during a 45 degree rainy day watching soccer games on a crisp fall weekend.  It's not terribly pleasant.[/quote]

Yeah. Looking at your phone for 15 seconds to ID the field and time is soooooo hard. lol.[/quote]

Ok then I assume you are all DHs that do 50% of the work to make your lives run smoothly.  None of the individual tasks are hard or time consuming, I fully agree, doing them all all the time is a lot of work and planning and things to remember and track.  Its not just doing this for soccer that its a big deal, its for soccer + ballet + school events + summer camps + birthday parties + family holidays + sick days and other times plans go array + meeting basic daily needs ensuring everyone has meals and transportation etc.

If you take on half of that for your family, my hats off to you because I don't see many people at it.  What I typically see if dad's gladly abdicating all the behind the scenes work and just showing up for the main event which the mom is typically at too.  But seriously I love it if you guys are doing your fair share of that and your parenting contributions are huge.  I wish more men were like you and saw that as equally their responsibility.  The dad (or mom) that does none of the behind the scenes work and claims to be an equally involved parent because they show up to one soccer game a week is just wrong.

To clarify rained out practices are a big deal in my household b/c my kid gets home from practice by carpooling with another family - if there is no practice there is no carpool home and we have to figure out a new plan to get him home from school.

[/quote]

I think some people over complicate things.  The things you mention (activities, summer camps, holidays, school events, etc) are really not that difficult to manage.  I'm a dad and do all of those things and it's completely manageable.  Is it perfect?  No, but if you're organized, those things should not require that much time and energy.  If there's a cancelled practice, I have a sitter in place who takes kids to the library to study/ready/etc for a while before I take them home.  If you're a good planner this stuff should not be complicated - heaven's forbid a birthday gift for little johnny's birthday party this weekend![/quote]

DP. Most of the individual tasks aren't complicated, but someone has to be the good planner to make sure they happen. Someone needs to figure out in advance the back-up plan for when carpool falls through. Someone needs to make sure Larlo's uniform is washed no later than Friday for the early Saturday game. Someone has to buy the birthday gift. If you have a spouse who doesn't participate in this planning and execution, then it all falls you. One load of laundry on its own isn't a terrible burden, but when it adds up to dozens of additional small/uncomplicated tasks every week that get added to your plate and that you have to keep track of because your spouse won't, a marriage can die by a thousand cuts.[/quote]

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