Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe that people on this forum are arguing over the things that they have to do for extra curricular activities. Petty. Grow up.

I bring the snacks.
I stand in the rain.
I wash the uniform.

Get a grip and learn to work together. This is why divorce, and bad marriages, are so hard on kids. Confront your issues and move on.

As a solo parent, I do all of these things. Reading the threads on this forum have made be realize how juvenile some people can be.

How would you suggest people do that? If you're the parent who's doing all of those chores while your spouse sits on the couch watching tv, and shows zero willingness to change no matter what you say/do, what is your solution to that? For some people, if they're already doing most of those tasks on their own plus all the additional work their spouse generates (extra laundry, dishes, etc.) and they don't feel like they're getting anything else of value from their spouse (e.g., emotional support), it might seem like a better deal to divorce.

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe that people on this forum are arguing over the things that they have to do for extra curricular activities. Petty. Grow up.

I bring the snacks.
I stand in the rain.
I wash the uniform.

Get a grip and learn to work together. This is why divorce, and bad marriages, are so hard on kids. Confront your issues and move on.

As a solo parent, I do all of these things. Reading the threads on this forum have made be realize how juvenile some people can be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a dad, I simply refuse to believe there are dads out there (in the DC area) that don't do the practices, games, PTCs, field trips, camping trips etc.

I can't recall more than maybe one or two absent dads that weren't deployed. And I have 3 kids that are 14,13, and 9. What's that? Thirty six years of parenting.

This is as false narrative being pushed by angry women.

So my DH is at a lot of the events but I'm the one who researched the activities, signed kid up, figured out how we'd get him to practices, made sure he had clean clothes for practice packed when we left that morning, that his uniform is ready for games, was on top of when practice was rained out and how we would get him home those days, when games were and that we were at the field on time, when we were supposed to bring the snacks and that we bought food for it and it was packed to go etc

So no, while my husband is spending the same 70minutes standing on the side of the field as I am, he does not get the same credit for for doing the last tiny bit of the effort involved - especially when its the fun part where we are basically socializing with friends - when I did all the work to make it happen x every aspect of our lives

Yes we both work full time

Sorry, I get that there's some pre-event work required on some of these things but throwing the uniform on the DR table the night before and filling the Nalgene isn't as time consuming as getting up at 7 on a Saturday and driving across NOVA to watch 9 innings of baseball. Rained out games? There's no work involved there- it's a text from the league! Food for there? I have a backpack that is constantly filled with granola bars, pretzels, beef jerky, tuna salad, peanut butter crackers, gummy bears, etc.

But keep pushing the narrative that dads are worthless when it comes to rearing kids.

This. Putting the uni out before the game, knowing the game times/fields and getting snacks are great feats and require so much work and consternation? And try standing during a 45 degree rainy day watching soccer games on a crisp fall weekend. It's not terribly pleasant.

Yeah. Looking at your phone for 15 seconds to ID the field and time is soooooo hard. lol.

Ok then I assume you are all DHs that do 50% of the work to make your lives run smoothly. None of the individual tasks are hard or time consuming, I fully agree, doing them all all the time is a lot of work and planning and things to remember and track. Its not just doing this for soccer that its a big deal, its for soccer + ballet + school events + summer camps + birthday parties + family holidays + sick days and other times plans go array + meeting basic daily needs ensuring everyone has meals and transportation etc.

If you take on half of that for your family, my hats off to you because I don't see many people at it. What I typically see if dad's gladly abdicating all the behind the scenes work and just showing up for the main event which the mom is typically at too. But seriously I love it if you guys are doing your fair share of that and your parenting contributions are huge. I wish more men were like you and saw that as equally their responsibility. The dad (or mom) that does none of the behind the scenes work and claims to be an equally involved parent because they show up to one soccer game a week is just wrong.

To clarify rained out practices are a big deal in my household b/c my kid gets home from practice by carpooling with another family - if there is no practice there is no carpool home and we have to figure out a new plan to get him home from school.

I think some people over complicate things. The things you mention (activities, summer camps, holidays, school events, etc) are really not that difficult to manage. I'm a dad and do all of those things and it's completely manageable. Is it perfect? No, but if you're organized, those things should not require that much time and energy. If there's a cancelled practice, I have a sitter in place who takes kids to the library to study/ready/etc for a while before I take them home. If you're a good planner this stuff should not be complicated - heaven's forbid a birthday gift for little johnny's birthday party this weekend!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a dad, I simply refuse to believe there are dads out there (in the DC area) that don't do the practices, games, PTCs, field trips, camping trips etc.

I can't recall more than maybe one or two absent dads that weren't deployed. And I have 3 kids that are 14,13, and 9. What's that? Thirty six years of parenting.

This is as false narrative being pushed by angry women.

So my DH is at a lot of the events but I'm the one who researched the activities, signed kid up, figured out how we'd get him to practices, made sure he had clean clothes for practice packed when we left that morning, that his uniform is ready for games, was on top of when practice was rained out and how we would get him home those days, when games were and that we were at the field on time, when we were supposed to bring the snacks and that we bought food for it and it was packed to go etc

So no, while my husband is spending the same 70minutes standing on the side of the field as I am, he does not get the same credit for for doing the last tiny bit of the effort involved - especially when its the fun part where we are basically socializing with friends - when I did all the work to make it happen x every aspect of our lives

Yes we both work full time

Sorry, I get that there's some pre-event work required on some of these things but throwing the uniform on the DR table the night before and filling the Nalgene isn't as time consuming as getting up at 7 on a Saturday and driving across NOVA to watch 9 innings of baseball. Rained out games? There's no work involved there- it's a text from the league! Food for there? I have a backpack that is constantly filled with granola bars, pretzels, beef jerky, tuna salad, peanut butter crackers, gummy bears, etc.

But keep pushing the narrative that dads are worthless when it comes to rearing kids.

This. Putting the uni out before the game, knowing the game times/fields and getting snacks are great feats and require so much work and consternation? And try standing during a 45 degree rainy day watching soccer games on a crisp fall weekend. It's not terribly pleasant.

Yeah. Looking at your phone for 15 seconds to ID the field and time is soooooo hard. lol.

Ok then I assume you are all DHs that do 50% of the work to make your lives run smoothly. None of the individual tasks are hard or time consuming, I fully agree, doing them all all the time is a lot of work and planning and things to remember and track. Its not just doing this for soccer that its a big deal, its for soccer + ballet + school events + summer camps + birthday parties + family holidays + sick days and other times plans go array + meeting basic daily needs ensuring everyone has meals and transportation etc.

If you take on half of that for your family, my hats off to you because I don't see many people at it. What I typically see if dad's gladly abdicating all the behind the scenes work and just showing up for the main event which the mom is typically at too. But seriously I love it if you guys are doing your fair share of that and your parenting contributions are huge. I wish more men were like you and saw that as equally their responsibility. The dad (or mom) that does none of the behind the scenes work and claims to be an equally involved parent because they show up to one soccer game a week is just wrong.

To clarify rained out practices are a big deal in my household b/c my kid gets home from practice by carpooling with another family - if there is no practice there is no carpool home and we have to figure out a new plan to get him home from school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a dad, I simply refuse to believe there are dads out there (in the DC area) that don't do the practices, games, PTCs, field trips, camping trips etc.

I can't recall more than maybe one or two absent dads that weren't deployed. And I have 3 kids that are 14,13, and 9. What's that? Thirty six years of parenting.

This is as false narrative being pushed by angry women.

So my DH is at a lot of the events but I'm the one who researched the activities, signed kid up, figured out how we'd get him to practices, made sure he had clean clothes for practice packed when we left that morning, that his uniform is ready for games, was on top of when practice was rained out and how we would get him home those days, when games were and that we were at the field on time, when we were supposed to bring the snacks and that we bought food for it and it was packed to go etc

So no, while my husband is spending the same 70minutes standing on the side of the field as I am, he does not get the same credit for for doing the last tiny bit of the effort involved - especially when its the fun part where we are basically socializing with friends - when I did all the work to make it happen x every aspect of our lives

Yes we both work full time

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a dad, I simply refuse to believe there are dads out there (in the DC area) that don't do the practices, games, PTCs, field trips, camping trips etc.

I can't recall more than maybe one or two absent dads that weren't deployed. And I have 3 kids that are 14,13, and 9. What's that? Thirty six years of parenting.

This is as false narrative being pushed by angry women.

So my DH is at a lot of the events but I'm the one who researched the activities, signed kid up, figured out how we'd get him to practices, made sure he had clean clothes for practice packed when we left that morning, that his uniform is ready for games, was on top of when practice was rained out and how we would get him home those days, when games were and that we were at the field on time, when we were supposed to bring the snacks and that we bought food for it and it was packed to go etc

So no, while my husband is spending the same 70minutes standing on the side of the field as I am, he does not get the same credit for for doing the last tiny bit of the effort involved - especially when its the fun part where we are basically socializing with friends - when I did all the work to make it happen x every aspect of our lives

Yes we both work full time

Sorry, I get that there's some pre-event work required on some of these things but throwing the uniform on the DR table the night before and filling the Nalgene isn't as time consuming as getting up at 7 on a Saturday and driving across NOVA to watch 9 innings of baseball. Rained out games? There's no work involved there- it's a text from the league! Food for there? I have a backpack that is constantly filled with granola bars, pretzels, beef jerky, tuna salad, peanut butter crackers, gummy bears, etc.

But keep pushing the narrative that dads are worthless when it comes to rearing kids.

This. Putting the uni out before the game, knowing the game times/fields and getting snacks are great feats and require so much work and consternation? And try standing during a 45 degree rainy day watching soccer games on a crisp fall weekend. It's not terribly pleasant.

Yeah. Looking at your phone for 15 seconds to ID the field and time is soooooo hard. lol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a dad, I simply refuse to believe there are dads out there (in the DC area) that don't do the practices, games, PTCs, field trips, camping trips etc.

I can't recall more than maybe one or two absent dads that weren't deployed. And I have 3 kids that are 14,13, and 9. What's that? Thirty six years of parenting.

This is as false narrative being pushed by angry women.

So my DH is at a lot of the events but I'm the one who researched the activities, signed kid up, figured out how we'd get him to practices, made sure he had clean clothes for practice packed when we left that morning, that his uniform is ready for games, was on top of when practice was rained out and how we would get him home those days, when games were and that we were at the field on time, when we were supposed to bring the snacks and that we bought food for it and it was packed to go etc

So no, while my husband is spending the same 70minutes standing on the side of the field as I am, he does not get the same credit for for doing the last tiny bit of the effort involved - especially when its the fun part where we are basically socializing with friends - when I did all the work to make it happen x every aspect of our lives

Yes we both work full time

Sorry, I get that there's some pre-event work required on some of these things but throwing the uniform on the DR table the night before and filling the Nalgene isn't as time consuming as getting up at 7 on a Saturday and driving across NOVA to watch 9 innings of baseball. Rained out games? There's no work involved there- it's a text from the league! Food for there? I have a backpack that is constantly filled with granola bars, pretzels, beef jerky, tuna salad, peanut butter crackers, gummy bears, etc.

But keep pushing the narrative that dads are worthless when it comes to rearing kids.

This. Putting the uni out before the game, knowing the game times/fields and getting snacks are great feats and require so much work and consternation? And try standing during a 45 degree rainy day watching soccer games on a crisp fall weekend. It's not terribly pleasant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm a divorced father with a vindictive ex who tried a scorched earth approach during a custody modification. She was caught lying in court and submitting a false affidavit and even admitted on the sand to it lying. There was evidence the judge stated showed she had violated the custody agreement. The judge even stated that she had misused child support funds in violation of a previous court order.

The judge however openly stated that he was NOT going to issue any finding or judgements against the ex wife for lying to the court, violating the custody order, or miss using child support funds. Bottom line is that judges do not want to be seen punishing women. Further, there is an underlying prejudice that women are better parents although that is untrue. They say that the tender years doctrine is no longer informing the courts but that is simply not true.

As for the child support, I'm sure it is based on a formula according to the approximate 75%/25% parenting time split resulting from the court's order that you only get to see your child every other weekend (I.e., 1,3, 5th weekends). The bottom line is that court has turned children into a commodity.

Her income is irrelevant to the calculation of what the non-custodial parent pays in child support. In effect you are paying your ex wife to babysit your child for the 25% difference between the 50/50 split you want and the 25% you got.

The real kicker is that given your ex's level of hate towards you she will 100% work toward alienating your child from you.

This is completely wrong. It is so completely wrong it is probably the stupidest thing I've read on this forum in awhile and there is some grossly inaccurate information on this forum.

Maybe it depends on the state because in Texas they absolutely do not care about BOTH parents incomes... see the calculator: https://csapps.oag.texas.gov/monthly-child-support-calculator

Notice there is only one input for income and it is for the non-custodial parent not the custodial parent.

So I just looked it up and some states do in fact ONLY care about the obligators income. I think your statement above about the posters comment being stupid is snarky. It is true that some states (see the list) don't care at all about the custodial parents income.

http://www.ncsl.org/research/human-services/guideline-models-by-state.aspx

http://www.ncsl.org/research/human-services/guideline-models-by-state.aspx

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a dad, I simply refuse to believe there are dads out there (in the DC area) that don't do the practices, games, PTCs, field trips, camping trips etc.

I can't recall more than maybe one or two absent dads that weren't deployed. And I have 3 kids that are 14,13, and 9. What's that? Thirty six years of parenting.

This is as false narrative being pushed by angry women.

So my DH is at a lot of the events but I'm the one who researched the activities, signed kid up, figured out how we'd get him to practices, made sure he had clean clothes for practice packed when we left that morning, that his uniform is ready for games, was on top of when practice was rained out and how we would get him home those days, when games were and that we were at the field on time, when we were supposed to bring the snacks and that we bought food for it and it was packed to go etc

So no, while my husband is spending the same 70minutes standing on the side of the field as I am, he does not get the same credit for for doing the last tiny bit of the effort involved - especially when its the fun part where we are basically socializing with friends - when I did all the work to make it happen x every aspect of our lives

Yes we both work full time

Sorry, I get that there's some pre-event work required on some of these things but throwing the uniform on the DR table the night before and filling the Nalgene isn't as time consuming as getting up at 7 on a Saturday and driving across NOVA to watch 9 innings of baseball. Rained out games? There's no work involved there- it's a text from the league! Food for there? I have a backpack that is constantly filled with granola bars, pretzels, beef jerky, tuna salad, peanut butter crackers, gummy bears, etc.

But keep pushing the narrative that dads are worthless when it comes to rearing kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a dad, I simply refuse to believe there are dads out there (in the DC area) that don't do the practices, games, PTCs, field trips, camping trips etc.

I can't recall more than maybe one or two absent dads that weren't deployed. And I have 3 kids that are 14,13, and 9. What's that? Thirty six years of parenting.

This is as false narrative being pushed by angry women.

So my DH is at a lot of the events but I'm the one who researched the activities, signed kid up, figured out how we'd get him to practices, made sure he had clean clothes for practice packed when we left that morning, that his uniform is ready for games, was on top of when practice was rained out and how we would get him home those days, when games were and that we were at the field on time, when we were supposed to bring the snacks and that we bought food for it and it was packed to go etc

So no, while my husband is spending the same 70minutes standing on the side of the field as I am, he does not get the same credit for for doing the last tiny bit of the effort involved - especially when its the fun part where we are basically socializing with friends - when I did all the work to make it happen x every aspect of our lives

Yes we both work full time

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a dad, I simply refuse to believe there are dads out there (in the DC area) that don't do the practices, games, PTCs, field trips, camping trips etc.

I can't recall more than maybe one or two absent dads that weren't deployed. And I have 3 kids that are 14,13, and 9. What's that? Thirty six years of parenting.

This is as false narrative being pushed by angry women.

So my DH is at a lot of the events but I'm the one who researched the activities, signed kid up, figured out how we'd get him to practices, made sure he had clean clothes for practice packed when we left that morning, that his uniform is ready for games, was on top of when practice was rained out and how we would get him home those days, when games were and that we were at the field on time, when we were supposed to bring the snacks and that we bought food for it and it was packed to go etc

So no, while my husband is spending the same 70minutes standing on the side of the field as I am, he does not get the same credit for for doing the last tiny bit of the effort involved - especially when its the fun part where we are basically socializing with friends - when I did all the work to make it happen x every aspect of our lives

Yes we both work full time

Anonymous wrote:As a dad, I simply refuse to believe there are dads out there (in the DC area) that don't do the practices, games, PTCs, field trips, camping trips etc.

I can't recall more than maybe one or two absent dads that weren't deployed. And I have 3 kids that are 14,13, and 9. What's that? Thirty six years of parenting.

This is as false narrative being pushed by angry women.

Anonymous wrote:I see plenty of dads at my kids’ activities too. It’s more fun to be the person who sits on a bench and surfs the internet on his phone while his wife is at home wrangling two other kids while also making dinner and supervising homework.