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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. She will not abort. Right now she wants to do the fall semester and then reevaluate...I do worry about the idea she’ll take time off and then never go back...adoption is still on the table too though.

The father goes to a different school 1200 miles away (they met at an internship) and they were never together. [/quote]

[b]I got pregnant at 20. I love my 11 year old but there’s times where I wish I had aborted and settled years late[/b]r. Your daughter doesn’t want to do this now. [/quote]

What mother thinks this way? I can see wishing you hadn't gotten pregnant so young or thinking you should have put her up for adoption.  But you really sometimes wish you had taken her life?  [/quote]

I think most people in this situation feel the same.

It’s not a productive sentiment to share with your kid or anyone in your life for obvious reasons. But I can imagine the regret a woman would feel after she has to constantly experience the hardships that came with her choice. I can imagine mourning the path she gave up. [/quote]

[b]I gave up a lot having her do young. College had to be put on pause, relationships are non existent, and my career/cash flow has taken a major hit. [/b]Her father showed his true colors and isn’t really involved anymore. I wasn’t ready for the emotional turmoil that would cause. So many more factors played into buying my first condo because I had to think of schools. I never got to be carefree. Most 30 year old men also don’t want to be step dads so I’m lonely. [b]And broke did I mention that? It’s really not a great life. [/b][/quote]

I was the child in this situation and looking at it purely theoretically, I agree that my mother should have had an abortion at that age. Of course, that means that I wouldn't have existed which is kind of weird to think about...lol.

My parents were lucky in that my mother had supportive parents. They were allowed to live rent free in an apartment attached to their house plus my grandmother didn't work so was able (and willing) to provide free childcare. How many 21 year olds have that opportunity? Even so, it was a small town with no industry. So very few decent paying jobs. My mom waitressed and my dad was a mechanic for the first five years of my life. Then my dad got a job at the local fire department and it enabled them to move out of my grandparents' house.

Still, money was ALWAYS tight. Some nights we didn't have enough food. And we *never* had money for extras. Forget things like vacations and summer camp, dinners out, trips to the movies, new clothes for school were considered super special treats and were very very rare. I was only allowed to do one after school activity and it had to be cheap (they put me in swimming because you only need a cap, goggles, and an old bathing suit will suffice). No money for things like SAT tutor. It was just assumed I'd go to the local public university. They had no connections to help me get internships or a job. They had no knowledge of how the world works.

Through a complete fluke I ended up marrying a wealthy guy. When I look at the way I was raised vs. the way we are raising out kids...it's just mind boggling the differences and the lack of what I had as a child.

Waiting until you're in a good financial position to have a child is the most sensible course of action you can take. It's not fair to the child to raise him or her in borderline poverty.[/quote]

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