Reply to my wife's thin skin

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My wife recently asked me if I liked a particular piece of furniture she is considering. [b]I wasn't fond of it and asked her if we could consider alternatives. Instead of exploring alternatives, she stopped looking altogether, and told me that I can just pick what I want, since "you don't like my choices".  Well, that kind of spoils the fun of looking for furniture if we can't do it together.[/b]

Another example ... my wife didn't drive for many years, before we met. She lived downtown and simply didn't need a car. Recently, however, she started to drive again. Because her driving skills were rusty, I asked her to drive solo for a few weeks, without our kids in the car, in order to get the hang of it again. I should also add that she had never driven in the USA before (she is from another country). I didn't want our kids at risk while she went through the learning process. But after acclimating to USA roads, she told me she never wants to drive with the kids in the car, in order to avoid causing a fight with me.

There are countless similar examples. It is so damn frustrating. Her attitude makes it impossible for us to have any discussion unless our opinions align precisely.

Has anybody been in this situation? Did you find a remedy? If so, please share your approach.
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I'm one of the pp's who gets where your wife is coming from.  Just saying "I'm not fond of it" is useless information to her.  You've rejected her choice, but given her no feedback to work with in looking at other things.  You could have asked her what she liked about it.  You could have figured out what elements of the furniture you did like, and what elements of the furniture you didn't like.  How did you feel about the color?  The style?  The price?  Having her do all the legwork, and then you simply accepting or dismissing her choices without explanation does not count as "doing it together".  It's making her do all the work, and you are acting like the final decision maker.  I totally get why she shut down after that. [/quote]

Agree in the furniture decision you have to give her something she can work with and ask her the things she liked about it if you are going to give suggestions that incorporate her taste.  That’s actually working together versus employee putting something together for boss to say yes/no.  My DH is involved in shopping. I am sensitive (I know this and personality assessments say the same) and he can be critical (friends observed this early on).  I’ve gotten better about speaking up for myself and being direct, i.e you need to tell me what you like and don’t like otherwise I’m wasting my time.  If you can’t articulate it, pick out what appeals to you and I can weigh in if I also like it.

With the driving, it’s possible she still has anxiety about it.  I’m one of those overly cautious drivers and being in a parking lot fender bender rattled me.  I kept asking expecting someone to do the unexpected  wanted even less to be in any busy parking lot. Hard to express that to someone that you think is critical. I could see not wanting to drive the kids after being faced the wrong way etc. and figuring out a way to opt out.  I am surprised OP’s wife didn’t suggest he continue to drive the kids until she felt comfortable.[/quote]

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