Reply to Our home is a mess. I am thinking of leaving

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I didn't read the whole thread but here is my story. I work in biglaw and our idea was that I would try for partner and DH would SAHD. But after a couple of years of this we both realized that we were headed down the road to what you described. I stepped back (am now an of counsel), DH went back to work, we hired a cleaning lady and a part time nanny. The house is clean now, the kids get good grades, and we even make dinner a few nights a week. And btw DH was diagnosed with ADHD, is now on meds, and doing much better. Yes, I don't have the great career. But it was worth it.

You have to decide what matters most to you.[/quote]

The thing is, her husband is NOT a SAHD. He has a full time job. She seems to be expecting her husband to do the work of a SAHP, while also holding down a full time job. That's an expectation we're supposed to be walking away from. I know this is a DCUM phrase, but I've never used it before-  OP, you sound unhinged. Really, I think  you need a week away from your family. Go away for a week to visit other family, or a yoga retreat or something. I think they could probably use a break from you as well. Don't come back expecting that they will have cleaned the house and changed all the annoying habits while you were away. Instead, reflect on what you love and value about each of them. Come back ready to communicate with your husband and come up with a parenting style that works for both of you. Even though you work more, you should be in charge of some things (dental hygiene among them.)[/quote]

I think the pp and her spouse identified things that weren't working for their family, took steps to change things, and found an effective solution.  She isn't trashing her DH, she's saying that what they thought would work didn't work.[/quote]

I am the original pp and I didn't take this response as directed at me, but rather the OP. I actually agree that what comes across is that the OP is expecting her DH to do the work of a SAHD, when he isn't one. And she doesn't seem to value his career (I have been guilty of this and I recognize the same in OPs tone). Parenting is hard work and unfortunately some kids are harder to parent than others. Kids need present parents, not more stuff. I wish someone got it through my head when I thought I could do it all.[/quote]

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