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[quote=Anonymous]
Do you owe it to her? No.

Should you do some serious mediation and self-guided imagery to work through your deliberations? I would.

My mother howled at the moon at not being allowed in the delivery room. The first thing she asked when we told her I was expecting a baby was, "Since DIL's mother was the first to hold grandbaby #1, I should be the first to hold yours." That's my mother's way of asking a question. She whined about her own medical knowledge (which all came for having cared for my Dad). She bitched and moaned, which settled it. I wouldn't have wanted her in the room anyway, because it would have been all about HER.

To punish me, she dropped off my almost-2-year-old for 8 hours after I had the baby. The nurses came in aghast and gave me painkillers before I ever asked throughout the day. I had to entertain DC1 for an entire day, while caring for my newborn. Did I mention I delivered by c-section? Yeah, it was awesome. At least I have an adorable video of DS meeting his sister. (That's me trying to find a silver lining to what my mother did.)

If this sounds anything like your MIL, the answer is clear. (That would be a resounding, "Hell no.")

But, if you feel that this is a gift that you could give, I would encourage you to really contemplate how it would look. What rules could you put in place (like, stay at my head, no peeking down below; or, silence during contractions)?

SIL's mother's presence was pure love and pride. She helped my brother as he was fully present for his wife and completely emotional. She was an asset. It was, from everything they've ever shared about the experience, simply beautiful. They had a DD, so the line of grandmother, daughter mother, and newborn girl was powerful. Each of his DDs carries the parents' grandparents' names.

This is YOUR experience. You and only you get to decide who's in that room. Exercise your authority without apology, but do think it through consciously before coming to a decision.
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