Reply to What happens to extroverted, controlling, bossy little girls down the line?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My niece was bossy as a 5 year old.  My brother was also told she was going to POTUS with her personality.  By 8 she had 1 friend left who would play with her.  By 14 she was giving boys BJs for attention.  Alcohol problems in high school.  Rehab in college.  She's lovely now but[b] I wish they had taught her at a young age that she couldn't boss other kids around.  That it wasn't nice or kind.[/b]  She would have had more friends and better self esteem.

she also was a beautiful little girl who got a lot of attention from strangers when she was young and my sister in law loved it.  Thought she was "special".  She didn't stay beautiful.  Food issues came with the low self esteem.  And in my experience beautiful child does not translate into beautiful teen or adult by the way, so OP don't be banking on her looks to get her anywhere.  There's no guarantee.

You and your situation remind me of my sister in law and my niece and I hope someone close to you has the courage to tell you to reign your kid in before it's too late. [b] If you teach her to treat people the way she wants to be treated and start right now with disciplining her when she is bossy to her friends in your presence she may have a chance.  [/b] If you continue to let her boss people around she could turn out to be POTUS, or she could end up like my niece.  Do you want take that chance?  [/quote]

I think you're hitting the key point here, PP.

It's not about being "bossy" or not.

The previous nine pages of posts tell me that "bossy" is a word that has different meanings, interpretations and connotations to different people.  Some think it's a good thing and a precursor to leadership.  Some think it's a bad thing and a precursor to isolation and low self-esteem.  It's not a universally agreed-upon term.

Even so, I think we're all saying pretty much the same thing:  It is NOT ok for a child to be intentionally hurtful or unkind to his or her peers.  This includes the type of argumentative and controlling behavior OP described in her follow up post.  A child who is allowed to behave this way with his or her peers is going to have a very difficult road ahead.  It's something to address now, before it gets to be a habit.

Along the way, please drop the word "bossy".  The term is obviously a distraction.  Just focus on stopping the problematic behavior (The stuff OP described earlier -- "NO!  You can't color Elsa's dress red!  It has to be blue!  NO!  You can't play that.  Only Larla can do it."  "NO!  You're not doing it right!  You have to do it like THIS!")

Focus much more directly on teaching her (or HIM, for those with boys who are similarly controlling and aggressive with their peers) positive values to counterweight this behavior:  values like empathy, patience, kindness, flexibility, humility and curiosity.  Otherwise you're setting your child up to be emotionally disabled and perhaps isolated as he/she grows older.

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