Reply to What do I need to know about marrying a man with an ex and shared custody of kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The money part didn't bother me as much as her bragging about how her kids would be a-holes the new wife because they're even a-holes to the nanny. Not sure she'd find that quite so braggable if they were treating her love interest and possible future spouse like dirt. She seems to think that's admirable for some reason.[/quote]

If you read my follow up post you would know that my ex inappropriately introduced a gf to my children when they first started dating, and they did not like it.  Not one bit.  All this love them as your own and you get to parent them, too, stuff will not fly with tweens and teens who are tightly bonded with their mother.  Here, OP's dad walked out on the family while the mom was still trying.  The kids will have picked up on that even if the mom never said a thing to them (as I haven't).  I think 6 months is too soon to introduce someone.  I also made clear I hold myself and whomever I may date to the same standards.  I will not be asking anyone to move in or get married until the kids leave for college.  Their dad is their dad, and NO ONE is going to replace him as their father. Anyone I date will have to deal with that (luckily, the guy I am dating now is in the same boat so we understand each other on this).  Sorry, but when you date someone coming out of a 20-25 year marriage, you don't get to pretend that the marriage didn't happen and that there is not an established family unit.  My kids are not bratty; the nanny example I gave was to support the statement that they are not confused in any way about who their mother is and will resent anyone who tries to play mom who isn't me. They absolutely will stick up for me and have no patience for adults who try to mess around with them on this.  My ex-MIL made that mistake and has paid for it with one of my kids ever since.  OP should tread lightly with these kids.  They have been through enough.[/quote]

I think your kids sound rude. Their dad introduced them to someone early, which makes it acceptable for them to be brats to anyone else he introduces? Their bond to you is so tight that it does not allow for them even being nice to anyone else, ever? Step-parents replace biological parents?

In what situations do you believe that it is appropriate for a person to ask for a divorce? Do both people have to agree that it's time, or is it acceptable for one person to be ready to divorce when the other one is "still trying"? How would you personally define "still trying"?[/quote]

That 20 year marriage is over, it's in the past. Apparently the ex wants to move on and if his kids are brats then he needs to correct them.  If they don't like his new gf, then too bad that's on them. If she becomes the wife or move in she will be the other parent in the home so they'd better suck it up.[/quote]

What's stopping them from making life miserable? Why do they have to suck it up? They can do whatever makes them feel better . [/quote]

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