Reply to I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

My DH is an officer, but we are paying off some debt, and I have an aversion to changing my lifestyle.  Quitting my job means no more fun money, and since I've always had my own extra money, I'm not sure I can handle no more travel, new clothes, eating out, nice car, etc.

But yes, a lot of this is due to my job.[/quote]

I get this, I really do. I became a military wife after being in a professional career for almost a decade, owning my own home, moving up in my job ... After the first move, I finally "got" it. This wasn't just going to be like a life where my husband traveled for work a lot. There was no "out" if we didn't like it; there was no way to live together and for me to continue to move steadily forward in my career; we would be moving every couple of years, and those plans could change if his job or the needs of the Army changed. If we had kids, I had to be prepared to do it all myself.

I had to mourn that old lifestyle. But, the man and the marriage were worth coming up with something new. I wasn't willing to live separately to prioritize my career because of all the guaranteed, forced separations that were coming, and what if, god forbid, one of those deployments ended tragically.

I do worry about what happens if he is disabled. I do not have the earning power I once did, and I find being a true "dependent" deeply unsettling. But it is what it is. Once I understood what military life was like, I thought about leaving. Then I decided I did want to stay, and my life had to change in ways I hadn't ever thought it would have to. Those are the sacrifices I made to his career and our marriage. I'm happy now, and we have had experiences (including children) I hadn't really planned on in my old life but that I love now, but it was work letting go of old dreams to get there.

And it doesn't sound like you're having too much fun now! Is this life really sustainable for you in the long run?[/quote]

You get it.   :( [/quote]

So, it's time to figure out what you want. It isn't this, over and over and over. If I were you, I'd wait until DH gets back, get through this deployment, and then really have a heart to heart with yourself about how to make this work. Let DH do what he can, but you also have to accept that the military is controlling some aspects of your life, too, and he can't do a whole lot about it because it's controlling pretty much all aspects of his.[/quote]

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