Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also don't think her mom is being such a jerk.

Unless mom can come and be the "wife" for an extended period, there is absolutely no other advice that makes sense. And with one child, a military salary should support the family, especially once childcare costs are eliminated.

OP says it's impossible for her to change jobs, add time to childcare, take sick leave, outsource more, go part time, move closer to family or other help ... Most military spouses who remain employed throughout their partner's career have military-friendly jobs like healthcare or retail, where there are openings where they go. Or, like me, they drastically scale back to part time.

The military just doesn't give you enough notice or time in one place to make the plans you need to make for major career progress if you also have to be on call to be sole parent at any point in time in a community where you don't have a lot of free support. This is why a lot of spouses are SAHM/Ds when the children are very young.

Really depends on the rank. DH was an officer and we got a decent BAH plus officer salary. Enlisted guys got far less.

My DH is an officer, but we are paying off some debt, and I have an aversion to changing my lifestyle. Quitting my job means no more fun money, and since I've always had my own extra money, I'm not sure I can handle no more travel, new clothes, eating out, nice car, etc.

But yes, a lot of this is due to my job.

I get this, I really do. I became a military wife after being in a professional career for almost a decade, owning my own home, moving up in my job ... After the first move, I finally "got" it. This wasn't just going to be like a life where my husband traveled for work a lot. There was no "out" if we didn't like it; there was no way to live together and for me to continue to move steadily forward in my career; we would be moving every couple of years, and those plans could change if his job or the needs of the Army changed. If we had kids, I had to be prepared to do it all myself.

I had to mourn that old lifestyle. But, the man and the marriage were worth coming up with something new. I wasn't willing to live separately to prioritize my career because of all the guaranteed, forced separations that were coming, and what if, god forbid, one of those deployments ended tragically.

I do worry about what happens if he is disabled. I do not have the earning power I once did, and I find being a true "dependent" deeply unsettling. But it is what it is. Once I understood what military life was like, I thought about leaving. Then I decided I did want to stay, and my life had to change in ways I hadn't ever thought it would have to. Those are the sacrifices I made to his career and our marriage. I'm happy now, and we have had experiences (including children) I hadn't really planned on in my old life but that I love now, but it was work letting go of old dreams to get there.

And it doesn't sound like you're having too much fun now! Is this life really sustainable for you in the long run?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also don't think her mom is being such a jerk.

Unless mom can come and be the "wife" for an extended period, there is absolutely no other advice that makes sense. And with one child, a military salary should support the family, especially once childcare costs are eliminated.

OP says it's impossible for her to change jobs, add time to childcare, take sick leave, outsource more, go part time, move closer to family or other help ... Most military spouses who remain employed throughout their partner's career have military-friendly jobs like healthcare or retail, where there are openings where they go. Or, like me, they drastically scale back to part time.

The military just doesn't give you enough notice or time in one place to make the plans you need to make for major career progress if you also have to be on call to be sole parent at any point in time in a community where you don't have a lot of free support. This is why a lot of spouses are SAHM/Ds when the children are very young.

Really depends on the rank. DH was an officer and we got a decent BAH plus officer salary. Enlisted guys got far less.

My DH is an officer, but we are paying off some debt, and I have an aversion to changing my lifestyle. Quitting my job means no more fun money, and since I've always had my own extra money, I'm not sure I can handle no more travel, new clothes, eating out, nice car, etc.

But yes, a lot of this is due to my job.

OP, I am not sure if this question has been answered, but what would it be like for you to have a nanny instead of daycare, in terms of cost? Where we live, a nanny is about the same as a good private daycare [not in DC]. And while my DH is not in the military, he does frequently travel overseas and I find that my nanny is the like 'the wife' on weeks he is travelling. I don't have family around, and I have two kids. Can you switch to a nanny? Our nanny does laundry, general picking up, preps meals...when our younger one sleeps (2 hours) she gets a good stretch of time to just devote to house-stuff that really keeps me sane.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also don't think her mom is being such a jerk.

Unless mom can come and be the "wife" for an extended period, there is absolutely no other advice that makes sense. And with one child, a military salary should support the family, especially once childcare costs are eliminated.

OP says it's impossible for her to change jobs, add time to childcare, take sick leave, outsource more, go part time, move closer to family or other help ... Most military spouses who remain employed throughout their partner's career have military-friendly jobs like healthcare or retail, where there are openings where they go. Or, like me, they drastically scale back to part time.

The military just doesn't give you enough notice or time in one place to make the plans you need to make for major career progress if you also have to be on call to be sole parent at any point in time in a community where you don't have a lot of free support. This is why a lot of spouses are SAHM/Ds when the children are very young.

Really depends on the rank. DH was an officer and we got a decent BAH plus officer salary. Enlisted guys got far less.

My DH is an officer, but we are paying off some debt, and I have an aversion to changing my lifestyle. Quitting my job means no more fun money, and since I've always had my own extra money, I'm not sure I can handle no more travel, new clothes, eating out, nice car, etc.

But yes, a lot of this is due to my job.

Anonymous wrote:

I want to be able to buy groceries during the week,

and go to the doctor (I realize this is my micromanaging boss's fault)

and have my hair cut

and not spend every waking moment picking up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also don't think her mom is being such a jerk.

Unless mom can come and be the "wife" for an extended period, there is absolutely no other advice that makes sense. And with one child, a military salary should support the family, especially once childcare costs are eliminated.

OP says it's impossible for her to change jobs, add time to childcare, take sick leave, outsource more, go part time, move closer to family or other help ... Most military spouses who remain employed throughout their partner's career have military-friendly jobs like healthcare or retail, where there are openings where they go. Or, like me, they drastically scale back to part time.

The military just doesn't give you enough notice or time in one place to make the plans you need to make for major career progress if you also have to be on call to be sole parent at any point in time in a community where you don't have a lot of free support. This is why a lot of spouses are SAHM/Ds when the children are very young.

Really depends on the rank. DH was an officer and we got a decent BAH plus officer salary. Enlisted guys got far less.

My DH is an officer, but we are paying off some debt, and I have an aversion to changing my lifestyle. Quitting my job means no more fun money, and since I've always had my own extra money, I'm not sure I can handle no more travel, new clothes, eating out, nice car, etc.

But yes, a lot of this is due to my job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also don't think her mom is being such a jerk.

Unless mom can come and be the "wife" for an extended period, there is absolutely no other advice that makes sense. And with one child, a military salary should support the family, especially once childcare costs are eliminated.

OP says it's impossible for her to change jobs, add time to childcare, take sick leave, outsource more, go part time, move closer to family or other help ... Most military spouses who remain employed throughout their partner's career have military-friendly jobs like healthcare or retail, where there are openings where they go. Or, like me, they drastically scale back to part time.

The military just doesn't give you enough notice or time in one place to make the plans you need to make for major career progress if you also have to be on call to be sole parent at any point in time in a community where you don't have a lot of free support. This is why a lot of spouses are SAHM/Ds when the children are very young.

Really depends on the rank. DH was an officer and we got a decent BAH plus officer salary. Enlisted guys got far less.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also don't think her mom is being such a jerk.

Unless mom can come and be the "wife" for an extended period, there is absolutely no other advice that makes sense. And with one child, a military salary should support the family, especially once childcare costs are eliminated.

OP says it's impossible for her to change jobs, add time to childcare, take sick leave, outsource more, go part time, move closer to family or other help ... Most military spouses who remain employed throughout their partner's career have military-friendly jobs like healthcare or retail, where there are openings where they go. Or, like me, they drastically scale back to part time.

The military just doesn't give you enough notice or time in one place to make the plans you need to make for major career progress if you also have to be on call to be sole parent at any point in time in a community where you don't have a lot of free support. This is why a lot of spouses are SAHM/Ds when the children are very young.

Really depends on the rank. DH was an officer and we got a decent BAH plus officer salary. Enlisted guys got far less.

Anonymous wrote:I also don't think her mom is being such a jerk.

Unless mom can come and be the "wife" for an extended period, there is absolutely no other advice that makes sense. And with one child, a military salary should support the family, especially once childcare costs are eliminated.

OP says it's impossible for her to change jobs, add time to childcare, take sick leave, outsource more, go part time, move closer to family or other help ... Most military spouses who remain employed throughout their partner's career have military-friendly jobs like healthcare or retail, where there are openings where they go. Or, like me, they drastically scale back to part time.

The military just doesn't give you enough notice or time in one place to make the plans you need to make for major career progress if you also have to be on call to be sole parent at any point in time in a community where you don't have a lot of free support. This is why a lot of spouses are SAHM/Ds when the children are very young.