Reply to My DD told me that I am the maid

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Reply to "My DD told me that I am the maid"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here with an update.

First, thank you PP who recommended "Yes, your Teen is Crazy!"---I know the brain development stuff so I just cut to Part 2, "Understanding your Role and Accepting Your Challenge."  Great stuff and I'm reading it now.

Love the part about mourning the death of your sweet kind little kid.  So true.

Anyways, folks, after my last post, things really calmed down and she apologized and I saw a glimmer of my old kid there.

I had called my pediatrician and (she was out for a family emergency) and by the time she got back to me it felt like old news.  However; I relayed my story anyways and asked if we needed family counseling, and she said this was well within the realm of normal 13 y.o. behavior.  She gave me some great advice.  Part of that advice was to bring her in for a checkup, where the pede gives the "teen lecture" about how independence is earned.

I think the biggest takeaway is to not get into verbal or a physical struggle with a teen.  So for example: If I say "No TV" and she says "I'm watching TV" then my old self would feel compelled to stop her because I had drawn a line in the sand.

But the idea is to NOT grab the remote or get into a verbal war, but say instead, "I said no TV.  If you watch TV then ____"(insert consequence in here; no friend over, no clothes shopping this weekend, whatever) and walk away.  That's different than what I have been doing.

The book also talks about how the teen's brain wants stimulation, so getting into a verbal fight actually reinforces the teen to get into MORE verbal fights because it stimulates their brain.  It says, the best is when you are in a rage, face red and screaming at them--lots of verbal stimulation!  It's all about walking away--not letting their bad behavior get reinforced by your emotional reaction.

Anyhow, I appreciate the helpful responses on here, and the sympathetic responses too![/quote]

Exactly!  If you can, drop your volume, as it will force her to be quieter if she wants to hear you.  And as I said, never threaten.  Threatening means that you might or might not follow through.  Everything you say must happen if she's going to believe you and start to change her behavior.[/quote]

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