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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]At the same time, the humiliation and fear of telling family and friends and starting over is overwhelming.[/quote]

OP, I just wanted to address this one other point.  You've done nothing shameful.  If you end up needing to leave, or otherwise want to discuss this with friends and family, do not take his shame on yourself.  As is abundantly clear from your original post, you're not responsible for his behavior.  [/quote]

That is kind of you to say. Thank you. I do feel deeply ashamed and humiliated that this happened. I know it is not my fault, but I feel conned and wronged.

I put all of my faith and trust in someone who was extremely cavalier with my feelings and absolutely selfish with theirs. It makes me feel like I can't trust myself and my decisions. We have been married for such a very short time. I have just finished the process of changing my surname to his. All I think about is that if this is done, I will have to back through this entire painful process of changing my name back. Professionally, I honestly feel that I would need to change jobs if we divorced. I'm still receiving congrats messages from coworkers seeing I am using a new sender name/email address. I couldn't face my coworkers and everyone knowing I was in a marriage that was over before it began. I dread facing family and friends. I wonder what I would do and where I would go. I was able to transfer my job when we moved to our city (we moved for his job), which is fortunate, but I am still new to the city, have only a few friends here, no family, no other ties. Where would I go? Would I stay here where I could run into him and where we have all these memories? Do I return to where I used to live, a place I enjoyed but was happy to leave behind for a new start with him? I don't want to talk to anyone in my life about this because I don't know what I am going to do and I am so horribly humiliated.[/quote]

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I know exactly how you feel and I have been there.  I found out my husband had an emotional affair a few years ago with a woman that I did not even know existed.  They were not physical (she lives in another city) but I found a large number of inappropriate messages to her that spanned [u]years[/u].  I was shocked by the lies and the deception - all from a man that I fully trusted.  I also felt humiliated, furious, and devastated.  I also felt completely alone because I did not tell anyone what happened.

When I confronted him, he reacted with deep remorse and panic because he did not want our marriage to end.  He found us a marriage counselor and we both went into individual counseling.  The counseling was critical because it gave us a safe place to express our feelings, and allowed me to talk to someone about what I was going through.  I did not talk to any family or friends about the issue because I knew they would never forgive him and I did not know whether I was going to stay with him.  We had/have children so it was a difficult decision.

We are ultimately still together but it took a lot of work.  Believe it or not, we are happy today, but I am a different person and I still look at him differently.  If we did not have kids at the time, I probably would have left. [/quote]

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