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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
For what it's worth OP - I am one of those people that generally think infidelity, over the course of a long relationship, can be forgiven.  Humans aren't wired for monogamy, just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you aren't attracted to other people, you were long distance, people make mistakes, etc.  So I generally lean towards giving people second chances if they are remorseful, truly made a mistake, and there is a great foundation to the relationship otherwise.

All that being noted,  I don't see it worth it to you.  Your reaction to this is catatonic.  That's ok, we all react to infidelity in our own ways - some shrug, some are hurt but get over it, some see it as the ULTIMATE BETRAYAL, somehow worse than bankrupting the family on a gambling addiction.  Do you really want to be in the role of mom/police woman to your new husband?  Are you that viscerally disgusted by his touch (he had his penis in many women before you, his penis responds to all types of women, nothing personal).  He needs to BCC you on all communications?  You need that from him?  You are treating him like a child, it may be "warranted" but it's not the foundation for an adult relationship.

All in all, with no kids in the picture, I just don't see it worth it - who wants to be in counselling during the honeymoon years?  I agree with most posters that you should take some time and not make a decision with your emotional brain, but I just don't see you getting fully past all this given your reaction and take on infidelity in general. [/quote]

As a survivor of infidelity, I have to strongly disagree with this poster. You JUST found out. Your immediate reaction is only that - immediate. You should not make any decisions today. Time is on your side. First you have to recover from the shock of it, and then you can start to recover from the infidelity. This notion that you should be able to shrug it off quickly if your marriage is to survive in a crock.

As for being in the role of mom/police - absolutely, you can and should do that until you feel safe again. All these people acting as if it is the most intrusive thing ever are completely ignorant as to how one heals from infidelity. I personally didn't need to see my DH's emails and texts after the first few weeks - it was enough that I knew he would show them to me if I asked.

Please go to www.survivinginfidelity.com for support. Their collective experiences make them far more understanding of what you are going through than the vast majority of people on this board.

Take care of yourself, and good luck![/quote]

+1 This PP is spot on. It takes time to reclaim the trust and forgive. Give yourself time to think, find your way to heal. If and only then you feel you gave it a chance and don't think you can forgive and move on a year or more later, then you might reconsider your choice. Sorry this happened to you.[/quote]

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