Reply to What does no boxed gifts please mean?

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Reply to "What does no boxed gifts please mean?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What's the big deal? You are going to give a gift.....just give them whatever you would have spent in form of cash, check or a gift card. No big deal. Jeez people. [/quote]

No, you are wrong.  [b]It is wrong to specify that you want cash.[/b] It is a big deal and stunningly rude.  [/quote]

It is rude to specify that you want cash -- in mainstream US culture, on most occasions. It's not universally true everywhere for everybody.

[/quote]

However, we are IN THE U.S. I don't care what you're used to elsewhere. You're here now.[/quote]

We're in the US! We don't need to care what other people do elsewhere in the rest of the world! -- eh, PP?[/quote]

NP here.  What other people do in the rest of the world is all well and good.  The point is that when you come to the US and you do something that is considered rude here, you're going to rub people the wrong way.  e.g., inviting the whole class to a birthday party, most of whom are probably not used to YOUR cultural norms instead of those in the US and then specifying that you want cash for your six year old, which here is considered, as PP said, stunningly rude.  You'll probably get a lot of people just not coming (and maybe they prefer it that way anyway).[/quote]

I didn't see anywhere in OP's post stating the whole class was invited. For all we know it may be a birthday party where the majority of the attendants will be from the culture of the birthday girl. OP may be the only or one of only a few non-of-their-culture invited.

OP, if that is the case you could have just called the host to ask the meaning.  It wouldn't have been rude.

What's rude is all this nastiness being thrown around about a family that no one on here knows.

[u]But hey, we are in the US! Putting down other people's cultures is what we do!!!!!
[/u]

[/quote]

I'm PP and I'm not putting down anyone's culture.  If it's a party inviting almost all people of your own culture, where bringing cash/gift cards is expected and the norm, why would you need to specify "no boxed gifts" on the invite?  Presumably, it's for the people who aren't of that culture and therefore would otherwise bring a physical gift.  If you invite 20 kids and 18 of them are from your culture, their parents will already know that.  For the two who don't, would you really go to the trouble of specifying "no boxed gifts" for two kids?

I'm not a xenophobe.  I love living in a diverse area.  But putting "no boxed gifts" on your invite is considered rude here.  I suppose your answer is that maybe they're immigrants so they don't know any better.  That may be, but it doesn't mean that it's not considered rude here.  If you moved to a foreign country and did something that in their culture would be considered very rude, would you just shrug your shoulders and yell "melting pot!" or would you learn from it and try not to give offense to those around you in the future?

For all of you confused about what it means, it means they want cash or gift cards.  Go look on any wedding message board and you'll find a million threads from people asking for just this (and this is what they mean) and an equal number of people thinking it's tacky and rude.[/quote]

Several people have already mentioned that this is common on some wedding invitations.  Even when the majority of attendants are of the same culture.  They've also stated that it's not something usually done for a birthday party, so stating "no boxed gifts" is not stating the obvious.  It's also not something that would be automatically presumed as rude, just a "oh okay" that's what their doing kind of thing. I assure you, the OP would not get a 'special' invitation that stated "no boxed gifts" just for her.  I guess they could have made a special invite just for her that omitted it.  Though she'd kind of look like she didn't get the memo if she showed up with a gift.

But it is very hard for you to step out of your little box and try to see this from a wider cultural perspective.  Yes in your culture and to your friends it would be rude, so don't do it. Why the need to pass your judgement and etiquette expectations onto others?

[/quote]

NP here, and I'm not American. [b]Remember the old saying, When in Rome, do as the Romans do[/b]? I think that's all PP meant here. It has nothing to do with her lacking "wider cultural perspective". You may choose not to live by that maxim, but it is generally good advice when living abroad.

And I think until OP comes back and tells us that this is a party largely attended by foreigners, we have no reason not to assume that this invite went out to a majority of American families.

That said, I would punish the kid for their parents' cluelessness by not attending. [/quote]

I get the above bolded part, but this is a private party.  Not something that the host is imposing on American culture in a greater setting.

The posts here about punishing the child for the parent not acting to your ideals about a birthday party gift are incredible.[/quote]

I hope you saw my follow-up post where I pointed out that I meant to say that I would *NOT* punish the kid.

And I don't think the "When in Rome" saying is about imposing your mores on American culture "in a greater setting", whatever that means. I think it is about social interactions of any scale. It doesn't even specifically target the idea of "imposing" your mores on others, it is simply about respecting local sensibilities, no matter how silly they seem to you. Now, of course, this saying may not apply as universally in the US, which historically is a country of immigrants and a melting pot. However, if your "audience" is primarily composed of people assimilated to mainstream US culture, I still think you ought to consider their customs.[/quote]

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