Anonymous wrote:

I hope you saw my follow-up post where I pointed out that I meant to say that I would *NOT* punish the kid.

And I don't think the "When in Rome" saying is about imposing your mores on American culture "in a greater setting", whatever that means. I think it is about social interactions of any scale. It doesn't even specifically target the idea of "imposing" your mores on others, it is simply about respecting local sensibilities, no matter how silly they seem to you. Now, of course, this saying may not apply as universally in the US, which historically is a country of immigrants and a melting pot. However, if your "audience" is primarily composed of people assimilated to mainstream US culture, I still think you ought to consider their customs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the big deal? You are going to give a gift.....just give them whatever you would have spent in form of cash, check or a gift card. No big deal. Jeez people.

No, you are wrong. It is wrong to specify that you want cash. It is a big deal and stunningly rude.

It is rude to specify that you want cash -- in mainstream US culture, on most occasions. It's not universally true everywhere for everybody.

However, we are IN THE U.S. I don't care what you're used to elsewhere. You're here now.

We're in the US! We don't need to care what other people do elsewhere in the rest of the world! -- eh, PP?

NP here. What other people do in the rest of the world is all well and good. The point is that when you come to the US and you do something that is considered rude here, you're going to rub people the wrong way. e.g., inviting the whole class to a birthday party, most of whom are probably not used to YOUR cultural norms instead of those in the US and then specifying that you want cash for your six year old, which here is considered, as PP said, stunningly rude. You'll probably get a lot of people just not coming (and maybe they prefer it that way anyway).

I didn't see anywhere in OP's post stating the whole class was invited. For all we know it may be a birthday party where the majority of the attendants will be from the culture of the birthday girl. OP may be the only or one of only a few non-of-their-culture invited.

OP, if that is the case you could have just called the host to ask the meaning. It wouldn't have been rude.

What's rude is all this nastiness being thrown around about a family that no one on here knows.

But hey, we are in the US! Putting down other people's cultures is what we do!!!!!

I'm PP and I'm not putting down anyone's culture. If it's a party inviting almost all people of your own culture, where bringing cash/gift cards is expected and the norm, why would you need to specify "no boxed gifts" on the invite? Presumably, it's for the people who aren't of that culture and therefore would otherwise bring a physical gift. If you invite 20 kids and 18 of them are from your culture, their parents will already know that. For the two who don't, would you really go to the trouble of specifying "no boxed gifts" for two kids?

I'm not a xenophobe. I love living in a diverse area. But putting "no boxed gifts" on your invite is considered rude here. I suppose your answer is that maybe they're immigrants so they don't know any better. That may be, but it doesn't mean that it's not considered rude here. If you moved to a foreign country and did something that in their culture would be considered very rude, would you just shrug your shoulders and yell "melting pot!" or would you learn from it and try not to give offense to those around you in the future?

For all of you confused about what it means, it means they want cash or gift cards. Go look on any wedding message board and you'll find a million threads from people asking for just this (and this is what they mean) and an equal number of people thinking it's tacky and rude.

Several people have already mentioned that this is common on some wedding invitations. Even when the majority of attendants are of the same culture. They've also stated that it's not something usually done for a birthday party, so stating "no boxed gifts" is not stating the obvious. It's also not something that would be automatically presumed as rude, just a "oh okay" that's what their doing kind of thing. I assure you, the OP would not get a 'special' invitation that stated "no boxed gifts" just for her. I guess they could have made a special invite just for her that omitted it. Though she'd kind of look like she didn't get the memo if she showed up with a gift.

But it is very hard for you to step out of your little box and try to see this from a wider cultural perspective. Yes in your culture and to your friends it would be rude, so don't do it. Why the need to pass your judgement and etiquette expectations onto others?

NP here, and I'm not American. Remember the old saying, When in Rome, do as the Romans do? I think that's all PP meant here. It has nothing to do with her lacking "wider cultural perspective". You may choose not to live by that maxim, but it is generally good advice when living abroad.

And I think until OP comes back and tells us that this is a party largely attended by foreigners, we have no reason not to assume that this invite went out to a majority of American families.

That said, I would punish the kid for their parents' cluelessness by not attending.

I get the above bolded part, but this is a private party. Not something that the host is imposing on American culture in a greater setting.

The posts here about punishing the child for the parent not acting to your ideals about a birthday party gift are incredible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the big deal? You are going to give a gift.....just give them whatever you would have spent in form of cash, check or a gift card. No big deal. Jeez people.

No, you are wrong. It is wrong to specify that you want cash. It is a big deal and stunningly rude.

It is rude to specify that you want cash -- in mainstream US culture, on most occasions. It's not universally true everywhere for everybody.

However, we are IN THE U.S. I don't care what you're used to elsewhere. You're here now.

We're in the US! We don't need to care what other people do elsewhere in the rest of the world! -- eh, PP?

NP here. What other people do in the rest of the world is all well and good. The point is that when you come to the US and you do something that is considered rude here, you're going to rub people the wrong way. e.g., inviting the whole class to a birthday party, most of whom are probably not used to YOUR cultural norms instead of those in the US and then specifying that you want cash for your six year old, which here is considered, as PP said, stunningly rude. You'll probably get a lot of people just not coming (and maybe they prefer it that way anyway).

I didn't see anywhere in OP's post stating the whole class was invited. For all we know it may be a birthday party where the majority of the attendants will be from the culture of the birthday girl. OP may be the only or one of only a few non-of-their-culture invited.

OP, if that is the case you could have just called the host to ask the meaning. It wouldn't have been rude.

What's rude is all this nastiness being thrown around about a family that no one on here knows.

But hey, we are in the US! Putting down other people's cultures is what we do!!!!!

I'm PP and I'm not putting down anyone's culture. If it's a party inviting almost all people of your own culture, where bringing cash/gift cards is expected and the norm, why would you need to specify "no boxed gifts" on the invite? Presumably, it's for the people who aren't of that culture and therefore would otherwise bring a physical gift. If you invite 20 kids and 18 of them are from your culture, their parents will already know that. For the two who don't, would you really go to the trouble of specifying "no boxed gifts" for two kids?

I'm not a xenophobe. I love living in a diverse area. But putting "no boxed gifts" on your invite is considered rude here. I suppose your answer is that maybe they're immigrants so they don't know any better. That may be, but it doesn't mean that it's not considered rude here. If you moved to a foreign country and did something that in their culture would be considered very rude, would you just shrug your shoulders and yell "melting pot!" or would you learn from it and try not to give offense to those around you in the future?

For all of you confused about what it means, it means they want cash or gift cards. Go look on any wedding message board and you'll find a million threads from people asking for just this (and this is what they mean) and an equal number of people thinking it's tacky and rude.

Several people have already mentioned that this is common on some wedding invitations. Even when the majority of attendants are of the same culture. They've also stated that it's not something usually done for a birthday party, so stating "no boxed gifts" is not stating the obvious. It's also not something that would be automatically presumed as rude, just a "oh okay" that's what their doing kind of thing. I assure you, the OP would not get a 'special' invitation that stated "no boxed gifts" just for her. I guess they could have made a special invite just for her that omitted it. Though she'd kind of look like she didn't get the memo if she showed up with a gift.

But it is very hard for you to step out of your little box and try to see this from a wider cultural perspective. Yes in your culture and to your friends it would be rude, so don't do it. Why the need to pass your judgement and etiquette expectations onto others?

NP here, and I'm not American. Remember the old saying, When in Rome, do as the Romans do? I think that's all PP meant here. It has nothing to do with her lacking "wider cultural perspective". You may choose not to live by that maxim, but it is generally good advice when living abroad.

And I think until OP comes back and tells us that this is a party largely attended by foreigners, we have no reason not to assume that this invite went out to a majority of American families.

That said, I would punish the kid for their parents' cluelessness by not attending.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the big deal? You are going to give a gift.....just give them whatever you would have spent in form of cash, check or a gift card. No big deal. Jeez people.

No, you are wrong. It is wrong to specify that you want cash. It is a big deal and stunningly rude.

It is rude to specify that you want cash -- in mainstream US culture, on most occasions. It's not universally true everywhere for everybody.

However, we are IN THE U.S. I don't care what you're used to elsewhere. You're here now.

We're in the US! We don't need to care what other people do elsewhere in the rest of the world! -- eh, PP?

NP here. What other people do in the rest of the world is all well and good. The point is that when you come to the US and you do something that is considered rude here, you're going to rub people the wrong way. e.g., inviting the whole class to a birthday party, most of whom are probably not used to YOUR cultural norms instead of those in the US and then specifying that you want cash for your six year old, which here is considered, as PP said, stunningly rude. You'll probably get a lot of people just not coming (and maybe they prefer it that way anyway).

I didn't see anywhere in OP's post stating the whole class was invited. For all we know it may be a birthday party where the majority of the attendants will be from the culture of the birthday girl. OP may be the only or one of only a few non-of-their-culture invited.

OP, if that is the case you could have just called the host to ask the meaning. It wouldn't have been rude.

What's rude is all this nastiness being thrown around about a family that no one on here knows.

But hey, we are in the US! Putting down other people's cultures is what we do!!!!!

I'm PP and I'm not putting down anyone's culture. If it's a party inviting almost all people of your own culture, where bringing cash/gift cards is expected and the norm, why would you need to specify "no boxed gifts" on the invite? Presumably, it's for the people who aren't of that culture and therefore would otherwise bring a physical gift. If you invite 20 kids and 18 of them are from your culture, their parents will already know that. For the two who don't, would you really go to the trouble of specifying "no boxed gifts" for two kids?

I'm not a xenophobe. I love living in a diverse area. But putting "no boxed gifts" on your invite is considered rude here. I suppose your answer is that maybe they're immigrants so they don't know any better. That may be, but it doesn't mean that it's not considered rude here. If you moved to a foreign country and did something that in their culture would be considered very rude, would you just shrug your shoulders and yell "melting pot!" or would you learn from it and try not to give offense to those around you in the future?

For all of you confused about what it means, it means they want cash or gift cards. Go look on any wedding message board and you'll find a million threads from people asking for just this (and this is what they mean) and an equal number of people thinking it's tacky and rude.

Several people have already mentioned that this is common on some wedding invitations. Even when the majority of attendants are of the same culture. They've also stated that it's not something usually done for a birthday party, so stating "no boxed gifts" is not stating the obvious. It's also not something that would be automatically presumed as rude, just a "oh okay" that's what their doing kind of thing. I assure you, the OP would not get a 'special' invitation that stated "no boxed gifts" just for her. I guess they could have made a special invite just for her that omitted it. Though she'd kind of look like she didn't get the memo if she showed up with a gift.

But it is very hard for you to step out of your little box and try to see this from a wider cultural perspective. Yes in your culture and to your friends it would be rude, so don't do it. Why the need to pass your judgement and etiquette expectations onto others?

NP here, and I'm not American. Remember the old saying, When in Rome, do as the Romans do? I think that's all PP meant here. It has nothing to do with her lacking "wider cultural perspective". You may choose not to live by that maxim, but it is generally good advice when living abroad.

And I think until OP comes back and tells us that this is a party largely attended by foreigners, we have no reason not to assume that this invite went out to a majority of American families.

That said, I would punish the kid for their parents' cluelessness by not attending.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where I come from we don't shoot kids just because they're black and we don't make a trend out of sending kids to school to shoot their classmates. Each to their own...

Why do so many threads spiral out of control like this?

All the OP asked was: "My daughter got an invitation for a birthday from a classmate. It was mentioned on the invitation no boxed gift please. What that means?
Thank you.”

It goes like this.

1. There is a post about a something that happens in another culture.

2. There are numerous posts disparaging that culture.

3. Some of those posts are written in a manner that looks down upon the other culture and touts their culture as better than.

4. People from other cultures then point out flaws in this culture- people in glass houses sort of thing.

Thus the thread evolves. It could have just ended with a simple non judgmental answer. But that's never the case.

Clue me in please. What culture is being disparaged?

Any culture that does not conform to Standard American ideals and judgement.

no, the list mentioned “that” culture and I’m just trying to figure out which one or ones we’re talking about here.
Actually, it could be a caucasian American person not of any foreign culture who wrote that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the big deal? You are going to give a gift.....just give them whatever you would have spent in form of cash, check or a gift card. No big deal. Jeez people.

No, you are wrong. It is wrong to specify that you want cash. It is a big deal and stunningly rude.

It is rude to specify that you want cash -- in mainstream US culture, on most occasions. It's not universally true everywhere for everybody.

However, we are IN THE U.S. I don't care what you're used to elsewhere. You're here now.

We're in the US! We don't need to care what other people do elsewhere in the rest of the world! -- eh, PP?

NP here. What other people do in the rest of the world is all well and good. The point is that when you come to the US and you do something that is considered rude here, you're going to rub people the wrong way. e.g., inviting the whole class to a birthday party, most of whom are probably not used to YOUR cultural norms instead of those in the US and then specifying that you want cash for your six year old, which here is considered, as PP said, stunningly rude. You'll probably get a lot of people just not coming (and maybe they prefer it that way anyway).

I didn't see anywhere in OP's post stating the whole class was invited. For all we know it may be a birthday party where the majority of the attendants will be from the culture of the birthday girl. OP may be the only or one of only a few non-of-their-culture invited.

OP, if that is the case you could have just called the host to ask the meaning. It wouldn't have been rude.

What's rude is all this nastiness being thrown around about a family that no one on here knows.

But hey, we are in the US! Putting down other people's cultures is what we do!!!!!

I'm PP and I'm not putting down anyone's culture. If it's a party inviting almost all people of your own culture, where bringing cash/gift cards is expected and the norm, why would you need to specify "no boxed gifts" on the invite? Presumably, it's for the people who aren't of that culture and therefore would otherwise bring a physical gift. If you invite 20 kids and 18 of them are from your culture, their parents will already know that. For the two who don't, would you really go to the trouble of specifying "no boxed gifts" for two kids?

I'm not a xenophobe. I love living in a diverse area. But putting "no boxed gifts" on your invite is considered rude here. I suppose your answer is that maybe they're immigrants so they don't know any better. That may be, but it doesn't mean that it's not considered rude here. If you moved to a foreign country and did something that in their culture would be considered very rude, would you just shrug your shoulders and yell "melting pot!" or would you learn from it and try not to give offense to those around you in the future?

For all of you confused about what it means, it means they want cash or gift cards. Go look on any wedding message board and you'll find a million threads from people asking for just this (and this is what they mean) and an equal number of people thinking it's tacky and rude.

Several people have already mentioned that this is common on some wedding invitations. Even when the majority of attendants are of the same culture. They've also stated that it's not something usually done for a birthday party, so stating "no boxed gifts" is not stating the obvious. It's also not something that would be automatically presumed as rude, just a "oh okay" that's what their doing kind of thing. I assure you, the OP would not get a 'special' invitation that stated "no boxed gifts" just for her. I guess they could have made a special invite just for her that omitted it. Though she'd kind of look like she didn't get the memo if she showed up with a gift.

But it is very hard for you to step out of your little box and try to see this from a wider cultural perspective. Yes in your culture and to your friends it would be rude, so don't do it. Why the need to pass your judgement and etiquette expectations onto others?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where I come from we don't shoot kids just because they're black and we don't make a trend out of sending kids to school to shoot their classmates. Each to their own...

Why do so many threads spiral out of control like this?

All the OP asked was: "My daughter got an invitation for a birthday from a classmate. It was mentioned on the invitation no boxed gift please. What that means?
Thank you.”

It goes like this.

1. There is a post about a something that happens in another culture.

2. There are numerous posts disparaging that culture.

3. Some of those posts are written in a manner that looks down upon the other culture and touts their culture as better than.

4. People from other cultures then point out flaws in this culture- people in glass houses sort of thing.

Thus the thread evolves. It could have just ended with a simple non judgmental answer. But that's never the case.

Clue me in please. What culture is being disparaged?

Any culture that does not conform to Standard American ideals and judgement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where I come from we don't shoot kids just because they're black and we don't make a trend out of sending kids to school to shoot their classmates. Each to their own...

Why do so many threads spiral out of control like this?

All the OP asked was: "My daughter got an invitation for a birthday from a classmate. It was mentioned on the invitation no boxed gift please. What that means?
Thank you.”

It goes like this.

1. There is a post about a something that happens in another culture.

2. There are numerous posts disparaging that culture.

3. Some of those posts are written in a manner that looks down upon the other culture and touts their culture as better than.

4. People from other cultures then point out flaws in this culture- people in glass houses sort of thing.

Thus the thread evolves. It could have just ended with a simple non judgmental answer. But that's never the case.

Clue me in please. What culture is being disparaged?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where I come from we don't shoot kids just because they're black and we don't make a trend out of sending kids to school to shoot their classmates. Each to their own...

Why do so many threads spiral out of control like this?

All the OP asked was: "My daughter got an invitation for a birthday from a classmate. It was mentioned on the invitation no boxed gift please. What that means?
Thank you.”

It goes like this.

1. There is a post about a something that happens in another culture.

2. There are numerous posts disparaging that culture.

3. Some of those posts are written in a manner that looks down upon the other culture and touts their culture as better than.

4. People from other cultures then point out flaws in this culture- people in glass houses sort of thing.

Thus the thread evolves. It could have just ended with a simple non judgmental answer. But that's never the case.

where is it mentioned by OP the party is for a person of another culture? I may have missed it, but it is not mention in the opening post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the big deal? You are going to give a gift.....just give them whatever you would have spent in form of cash, check or a gift card. No big deal. Jeez people.

No, you are wrong. It is wrong to specify that you want cash. It is a big deal and stunningly rude.

It is rude to specify that you want cash -- in mainstream US culture, on most occasions. It's not universally true everywhere for everybody.

However, we are IN THE U.S. I don't care what you're used to elsewhere. You're here now.

We're in the US! We don't need to care what other people do elsewhere in the rest of the world! -- eh, PP?

NP here. What other people do in the rest of the world is all well and good. The point is that when you come to the US and you do something that is considered rude here, you're going to rub people the wrong way. e.g., inviting the whole class to a birthday party, most of whom are probably not used to YOUR cultural norms instead of those in the US and then specifying that you want cash for your six year old, which here is considered, as PP said, stunningly rude. You'll probably get a lot of people just not coming (and maybe they prefer it that way anyway).

I didn't see anywhere in OP's post stating the whole class was invited. For all we know it may be a birthday party where the majority of the attendants will be from the culture of the birthday girl. OP may be the only or one of only a few non-of-their-culture invited.

OP, if that is the case you could have just called the host to ask the meaning. It wouldn't have been rude.

What's rude is all this nastiness being thrown around about a family that no one on here knows.

But hey, we are in the US! Putting down other people's cultures is what we do!!!!!

I'm PP and I'm not putting down anyone's culture. If it's a party inviting almost all people of your own culture, where bringing cash/gift cards is expected and the norm, why would you need to specify "no boxed gifts" on the invite? Presumably, it's for the people who aren't of that culture and therefore would otherwise bring a physical gift. If you invite 20 kids and 18 of them are from your culture, their parents will already know that. For the two who don't, would you really go to the trouble of specifying "no boxed gifts" for two kids?

I'm not a xenophobe. I love living in a diverse area. But putting "no boxed gifts" on your invite is considered rude here. I suppose your answer is that maybe they're immigrants so they don't know any better. That may be, but it doesn't mean that it's not considered rude here. If you moved to a foreign country and did something that in their culture would be considered very rude, would you just shrug your shoulders and yell "melting pot!" or would you learn from it and try not to give offense to those around you in the future?

For all of you confused about what it means, it means they want cash or gift cards. Go look on any wedding message board and you'll find a million threads from people asking for just this (and this is what they mean) and an equal number of people thinking it's tacky and rude.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the big deal? You are going to give a gift.....just give them whatever you would have spent in form of cash, check or a gift card. No big deal. Jeez people.

No, you are wrong. It is wrong to specify that you want cash. It is a big deal and stunningly rude.

It is rude to specify that you want cash -- in mainstream US culture, on most occasions. It's not universally true everywhere for everybody.

However, we are IN THE U.S. I don't care what you're used to elsewhere. You're here now.

We're in the US! We don't need to care what other people do elsewhere in the rest of the world! -- eh, PP?

NP here. What other people do in the rest of the world is all well and good. The point is that when you come to the US and you do something that is considered rude here, you're going to rub people the wrong way. e.g., inviting the whole class to a birthday party, most of whom are probably not used to YOUR cultural norms instead of those in the US and then specifying that you want cash for your six year old, which here is considered, as PP said, stunningly rude. You'll probably get a lot of people just not coming (and maybe they prefer it that way anyway).

I didn't see anywhere in OP's post stating the whole class was invited. For all we know it may be a birthday party where the majority of the attendants will be from the culture of the birthday girl. OP may be the only or one of only a few non-of-their-culture invited.

OP, if that is the case you could have just called the host to ask the meaning. It wouldn't have been rude.

What's rude is all this nastiness being thrown around about a family that no one on here knows.

But hey, we are in the US! Putting down other people's cultures is what we do!!!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where I come from we don't shoot kids just because they're black and we don't make a trend out of sending kids to school to shoot their classmates. Each to their own...

Why do so many threads spiral out of control like this?

All the OP asked was: "My daughter got an invitation for a birthday from a classmate. It was mentioned on the invitation no boxed gift please. What that means?
Thank you.”

It goes like this.

1. There is a post about a something that happens in another culture.

2. There are numerous posts disparaging that culture.

3. Some of those posts are written in a manner that looks down upon the other culture and touts their culture as better than.

4. People from other cultures then point out flaws in this culture- people in glass houses sort of thing.

Thus the thread evolves. It could have just ended with a simple non judgmental answer. But that's never the case.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where I come from we don't shoot kids just because they're black and we don't make a trend out of sending kids to school to shoot their classmates. Each to their own...

Why do so many threads spiral out of control like this?

All the OP asked was: "My daughter got an invitation for a birthday from a classmate. It was mentioned on the invitation no boxed gift please. What that means?
Thank you.”

It goes like this.

1. There is a post about a something that happens in another culture.

2. There are numerous posts disparaging that culture.

3. Some of those posts are written in a manner that looks down upon the other culture and touts their culture as better than.

4. People from other cultures then point out flaws in this culture- people in glass houses sort of thing.

Thus the thread evolves. It could have just ended with a simple non judgmental answer. But that's never the case.