Reply to God I hate the ex wife

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I totally get it. I really do.  Your later posts are much more charitable toward the ex-wife, but I don't think she deserves it -- being so manipulative and setting the kids up to think that their dad doesn't care about them is an emotionally abusive, dick move.  She is not a good mother by that measure at least.

If I were you, I'd actually be incredibly frustrated by my husband.  It would be completely and utterly unacceptable to me to have him sending her money every other day.  How can you possibly budget for your household when money is disappearing willy nilly?  Why is he being such a passive doormat?  Did he end the marriage?  Why does he feel so guilty?  Why does he allow her to control him like that?  THAT is what would be primarily unacceptable to me.

I didn't marry my DH until after my SD had graduated high school, but if I had a time machine and could go back what I would do is this, and this is what I would recommend to you:

Have your husband give each of his children an allowance -- recommended, their age in dollars a week.  So the 13 year old gets $13/week.  Deposit this into an online bank account.  Require that 1/3 of it go to savings -- automatically deposit it into savings.  The other 2/3 can be spent however the children want.  The children can begin to save money for things.  So if a $17 year old wants a $120 updo for prom, she can save her allowance or take on babysitting gigs or whatever, but she's not just going to get a last minute handout from Dad.

Break the habit of the last minute money transfers now or I promise you it will NOT end when the kids are 18.

Good luck- you sound like a good person and a good stepmom.  You might find the book Stepmonster to be really helpful -- it's got a terrible title but it really helped me to understand how limited my role is and to focus on my relationship with my husband.  In that regard, again, my focus would be on your husband, not his ex.[/quote]

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