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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe get in touch with the nursing home and inquire how this would work? I also have difficulties imagining an outsider not related to family visiting an elder in a nursing home, when the whole point of a nursing home is caretaking. Maybe people who have more experience with nursing homes should chime in. Otherwise it sounds like your sister wants to outsource her own visits with Larla, meaning she'd not go because it's depressing and instead Larla goes. Is your mom mentally out of it and has no clue who visits?[/quote]

I suspect you've hit it right on the head.  Larla isn't a professional caregiver.  My sister just wants her to visit. [b] She wants someone checking in on our mother every single day, but doesn't want to visit every day herself. [/b] And she wants the rest of us (primarily me) to pay for it.

Larla isn't being asked to do any of the things that posters have been throwing out -- laundry, medicines, shopping, etc.  Just to visit.  My sister does the other stuff and doesn't want anybody else doing it.  Again, it's a guilt driven compulsion.  That and she's a bit of a control freak.  But that's another issue!

[/quote]

I mean it sounds like your sister has a job and other responsibilities.  Even if you were local, would you be able to go to the nursing home every day?[/quote]

I'm not saying I could or would.  What I said is that it's what my sister wants.  I don't think she needs visitors every day.  [/quote]

Well it was presented as two different things- that she [b]wants[/b] someone checking in on her every day, and she doesn't [b]want[/b] to make the daily visits herself.  All I'm saying is that the latter would be a lot for any one person, particularly if they have other responsibilities, so I'm not sure why you frame it as her not wanting to visit.  IMO, whether your mom needs daily check-ins should probably be collectively decided as a sibling group, but considering your sister is putting in most of the work and would likely be the first person the nursing home calls when things come up (right?) then continuing to delegate visits to a trusted family hire would provide her some peace of mind and continuity for your mom.  You seem annoyed that you are sending more money than the rest of your siblings, but it seems like this should have been addressed earlier.[/quote]

Sigh.  Whether a trusted family hire visits her or not our sister will always be the first person called.  The trusted family hire would never be.  As for her not wanting to make the daily visits herself, yes -- she has made clear that she doesn't/wouldn't like visiting our mother every day in a nursing home because she finds nursing homes "depressing."  That was honestly her main driver for keeping our mother in her home for as long as she did.  You don't know how many times she has said "I'd rather visit her every day at home than in a nursing home -- they're so depressing!"

Now that she will be in the nursing home, our sister still wants our mother to have daily visits.  She just doesn't want to do them all herself.  But this is entirely her thing.  The rest of us don't care if she has daily visits, and frankly even when she does have visitors she either ignores them or is mean to them anyway.  She sure as hell isn't the lady my MIL was.  She's just not a pleasure to be around and, to be clear, never was.

[b]So I'm basically being asked to pay $60 an hour for someone to visit my mother[/b] who doesn't even give a damn about her visiting -- or at least doesn't show it -- and to do this only so my sister feels better.   And I'm going to do it, as I said, but that doesn't mean it makes sense and it doesn't make me a terrible person or sibling for scratching my head over it.[/quote]

$60 an hour?  How exactly did that arrangement come about?  Wow.[/quote]

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