Reply to (Vacation wife) Help. Spiraling.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]What do I do now? Kids stability and financial stability need to be prioritized.[/quote]

OP, you answered your own question here. I'm sorry that your ex has continued to disappoint, and I am going to suggest, like everyone else here, that you accept that you truly are a single parent now, with no reliable financial, logistical or emotional support from the kids' dad. You are on your own, now, and must proceed accordingly.

Your most critical tasks are:

1) health insurance

2) shore up finances

3) I would consider whether you could rent the in law suite to a grad student or someone who would take reduced rent in exchange for some logistical help with the kids. Perhaps that is driving them to their dad's, if he remains where he is, or lessons, etc.

4) proceed with the separation and divorce following your attorney's advice

5) your ex is an alcoholic and cannot be trusted. Job loss may have been a layoff but may also be performance related. Relapse is common. You can no longer plan your life as if he were a stable presence for the kids (financially emotionally etc), nor should he drive the children without, at the very least, an interlock device in his car.  Best to prepare yourself (Al Anon) and the kids for the worst and hope for the best.  This is where any additional energy should go, not solving his problems. He needs to own his sh*t and continue to work on it--rehab, AA, whatever--but its not your job to solve any of his self-created problems.

Your most important task is to be the stable presence that your kids need and will continue to need. You have no control whether your ex gets his sh*t together or not, but you can do as much as possible to shield your kids from the fallout. That does not mean helping your ex--it means separating yourself from his chaos.  I would question whether dating is the right move now, but only you can answer that, but you have to be really, truly honest with yourself.

It sucks. you didn't do anything to invite this mess in your life but you are stuck with it. 
 [/quote]

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