Reply to Husband annoyed at taking his injured daughter to urgent care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why does every DH have to be the main parent. You're the main parent, OP. Just do the parenting and let him do the 1billion other things that also have to get done to run a family.[/quote]

I know people are bristling at this.  But honestly, as a strategy it worked really well in my family.  I did nothing but kid stuff and my spouse did everything else except that spouse did childcare drop off and pick up because my commute was longer.  We had very little conflict because we each did our part to make the family work.  And we were both pretty happy about it.  I can't remember the last time I did yard work (besides my garden), took the car for service or an oil change, found a plumber, washed a car, cleaned my house and whatever other billion things it takes to keep a house running successfully.  Even though my kids are grown, I still don't do these things.  My spouse wasn't a bad parent, but wasn't a good caretaker until they got a lot older.  The difference between me and OP is that I could count on my spouse in emergencies.  [/quote]

My mom was a SAHM and was such a martyr about it. Now that she’s gone my long suffering dad has had a few things to say about it. My mom acted like she did everything and he did nothing because she wanted all the credit and sympathy. But he did the yard work or found and paid the people to do it, paid all the bills, did the taxes, worked out all the insurance, performed maintenance around the house or found the people to make repairs, and all the unseen work beyond child care. What does OPs division of labor really look like? Was she renewing the car registration while he was at urgent care?[/quote]

What does this even mean, DD doesn't get to go to the hospital with headache because dad does the taxes? Dad should have stayed home and breastfed toddler?[/quote]

DD can go with mom to the hospital. She just didn’t feel like it because nursing a toddler is the easier option.[/quote]

So OP’s job is to always give her DH the easier option? OK. [/quote]
It's not about the easier option. It is about protecting the children from his abuse. If op had left him with the crying toddler, he may have harmed him.[/quote]

So it was okay to send DH with the injured kid who was openly angry with? You make no sense.[/quote]

Most people with kids know that the way the kid is with one person isn’t the way they are with everyone. Someone like OP who thinks their toddler can only fall asleep one way with this overwrought routine is often surprised to learn that someone else can put him down with no problem. OP has painted herself in a corner here as wanting to be this primary caregiver because nobody else does it right, and then is surprised when it blows up, because emergencies happen. She needs to help her toddler be more resilient and fleixble.[/quote]

She needs to make sure the toddler is more resilient and flexible in case the toddler’s father throws a tantrum and refuses to take the other child to the hospital. OK then!

There are other reasons to ween and no disagreement here on bedtimes with different parents - but I hope you can see how deranged what you wrote is. [/quote]

When did the father say he wouldn’t put the toddler to bed? Control freak OP is the one saying only SHE can do it. She’s painted herself into a corner over a simple job.[/quote]

Let me ask you this. Why in this scenario do you think it is self evident that OP should go to the hospital and DH should stay home? And why do you think the parents disagreement over how to split up these duties justifies getting angry at the child? How about the nosebleed incident? [/quote]

If you’re the only parent alllowed to put a toddler to bed you have created a very bad dynamic. That has to change.[/quote]

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