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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running.  Get a lawn service.  
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.  [/quote]

This is one of the wisest comments on the thread. It's an extreme, but honestly nothing kills my libido faster than feeling like I'm the family maid. It's one thing to clean up after kids who are too young to do it themselves, or even when they are older if they can't yet do it effectively and need help. That just feels like parenting.

Cleaning up after an adult is demeaning. Especially if that adult makes no or limited effort to clean up after themselves. I'm about to get graphic here so if you don't like it skip it, but this is what it was like to clean my home after 10 years of marriage with my husband: He had bowel issues and his poop would stick like black tar to the toilet bowl, so I'd be scrubbing his black tar poop off the bowl. I'd be snaking drains full of his beard clippings and wiping his spittle off of mirrors, he would never do any of these things himself. He walks through the house eating chip and crackers but refuses to sweep or vacuum, so I'd be picking up his trail of crumbs to prevent us from getting ants. He wouldn't wipe his feet before coming in the house and would forget to take off his shoes, so I'd be cleaning up mud and dirt from his shoes. When he cooks, he bangs the spoon on the pot and splashes things and drops things and never picks them up, so I'd be scrubbing the underside of cabinets and scrubbing the floor. He is a packrat and would fill his closet with junk and trash and then never be able to find anything and it would stink, so I'd clean out the entire closet, sort his clothes and shoes, make piles for him to approval the tossing of (I learned to never throw away anything without asking him first). He works at the dining table and dirt or grime from his feet and hands and computer will leave a film on the table and floor that he never cleans up, so I'd be scrubbing this grime so that we could eat at the table without sitting in his filth. And much, much more.

I do not believe it is possible to clean up after a marital partner like this and remain interested in sex with them. It made me feel like hired help, only I didn't get paid. I had a job through all this, by the way, and did the vast majority of the childcare and parenting. It is belittling and demeaning on a fundamental level.

By the time I was in my late 40s, I never fantasized about sex. I fantasized about someone cleaning up after ME for once. I imagined climbing into a bed of clean sheets someone else had stripped and washed and remade. Stepping onto a clean floor someone else had vacuumed and mopped. Showering in a fresh and clean shower someone else had washed. And so on. I was so burned out on caring for other people. The idea of having sex was revolting to me. I merely wanted to feel cared for and valued.[/quote]

NP, I would need a maid to literally follow him around all day, picking up and cleaning messes and debris he makes and “doesn’t see.”

I now know why his mother had no toys in the house, no snacks or desserts, and he had only five shirts and two pair of trousers.

They also never took real vacations or had holiday traditions. She was too burned out from three of them all being pigs. [/quote]

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