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[quote=Anonymous]We did not spend a ton on our wedding but I actually wish in retrospect that we'd gone even smaller, with just a courthouse ceremony and then a small reception at a local restaurant for just our immediate family and closest friends. I felt pressure to invite work colleagues and college and high school friends who had invited me to their weddings. And by including these folks who aren't necessarily my closest friends, it introduced an element of worry that I would be judged if I didn't do certain things or if people didn't have a good enough time. So I wound up doing things I actually did not want to do (hiring a DJ, spending way more on flowers than I wanted, having a rehearsal dinner) simply because I knew it was expected and I didn't want people to think I was cheap or lame for not doing it.

If I had it to do again, I'd keep it to about 20 people and focus on a nice meal (food is very important to me) in a cozy, pleasant space. I don't care about dancing. I prefer simple, uncomplicated decor. We'd rather have a great dessert than cake. I want space and time to talk to my loved ones and share stories and laugh, rather than interacting with everyone for a minute or two and spending our time on a dance floor.

I think I knew all this back then, too, but I felt pressure to conform to the expectations of others and caved.

When my kids get married (if) I will make sure to tell them early on that they don't have to do it any one way and that we will support them and participate in whatever feels right to them. I wish I'd had someone close to me who gave me that permission. I was too young and insecure to give it to myself back then.[/quote]

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