Reply to what happens when Dad abandons the family and Mom is left to handle everything, but doesn't want it either?

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Reply to "what happens when Dad abandons the family and Mom is left to handle everything, but doesn't want it either?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can a family lawyer please weigh in here? I am so confused by this entire thread. I feel like the mom could just say to the court that she requests 50/50, which is the default. The judge isn't going to say, "welp, dad doesn't want any custody, so mom is ordered 100%." Right? Imagine if the genders were reversed and mom said she wanted nothing, and dad said he wanted 50/50. The judge would order 50/50, unless there were serious drug/abuse issues. [/quote]

I am totally confused by how you think this could work.  So you would get a court order that specifies 50/50, and child support calculated based on 50/50, but you would still have them 100% because there is no mechanism to make him take the kids.  How does that help you?  All it means is less money[/quote] 
 
Yes, that's true, it's one of many reasons why women enter retirement in financial poverty.

What usually happens is the court orders 50/50 and the neglectful parent just doesn't show up for their 50% or pawns it off on someone else -- new girlfriend, or their own family (mom or siblings) -- or leaves the kids un- or inappropriately supervised.  Or, as commonly happens, the neglectful parent just doesn't show for their 50% -- calling the responsible spouse and making excuses about work or other events. There is no way to force someone to take custody who doesn't want to. What are you going to do as a responsible parent when the neglectful spouse says in front of the kids -- "i have to go away for work for a month, so I won't be able to take the kids"? -- you're just going to say OK.

If you document it, you have the option of going back to court for a custody change and more child support, but TBH, if the other parent doesn't have significant assets, you are going to spend more going to court than you will get in child support.  And, TBH, court is always a roll of the dice.  You could get a judge who thinks women who move for changes are being PITA. Or your irresponsible former spouse could suddenly decide to use the court case for harassment.  
 
I knew all this, and made a calculated decision that our lives would be more stable to just accept the extra time nicely and take the hit to my career and salary.  I also didn't want to exacerbate the relationship between my kids and their dad.  At least they had a fun dad from time to time even though it was unpredictable.  But, it's no joke what it cost me financially. [/quote]

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