Reply to what happens when Dad abandons the family and Mom is left to handle everything, but doesn't want it either?

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Reply to "what happens when Dad abandons the family and Mom is left to handle everything, but doesn't want it either?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This happened to my spouse. He was a neglected kid.

His dad played house with his new wife and only had the kids once in a while and barely paid for anything. He continues to have affairs and his wife looks the other way.

His mom had to spend a lot of time working and relying on her relatives to watch the kids. In her free time, she preferred dating men and not being around the kids to find her next spouse. She left them behind to take a job in another state when they were teens and they had to grow up with very little supervision. She married rich and retired but not until after kids were grown.[/quote]

This was me at 16. My wealthy but horribly abusive father left to be with a 22 year old. My mother was an addict and wasn’t there mentally. Didn’t work and relied upon a meager stipend from my father. He outlawyered 
 her which wasn’t difficult to do given her mental state. He hid all sorts of assets with his cronies.  He hated me and constantly beat me and referred to me as a fat dumb and lazy loser. I was a good athlete and won a national championship event in high school, so I went to college entirely on my own on athletic scholarship to one of the very best schools in the country. This infuriated my father as he wanted to see me fail. I was just glad to have him out of my life. His choice was Rolex watches for his girlfriend and vacation ms in Italy while his talented kids starved through college. It didn’t matter to him. I did well academically in professional school and this infuriated him. My mother was a project and could never handle adult life. My brother and I supported her and she died unhappy because she wanted to. She had guilt because she so badly failed in protecting her kids. I didn’t speak to my father for 30 years - my last words with him were of the nature that my brother and I were academic snobs - and found out he died through a decent guy who had a hunch we otherwise wouldn’t have known. He had a fancy memorial at one of his country clubs. No reason for my brother and me to attend.

This all sounds easy now. But cutting ties with a parent took more work than I imagined. It was doable as I had a lot of independence- really complete independence from age 18. With extreme poverty came fantastic independence and self reliance. Lots of fun. Never drank at all or did any drugs. Enough excitement rolling the dice in Division 1 athletics and a frantic struggle to do well in an honors program I barely belonged in.

I am grateful. Put two through Princeton - spoiled them but broke the cycle. [/quote]

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