Reply to If you "tiger mom'd" your kids, how did they turn out in college (and beyond)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the OP of this thread:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1207813.page

I was tiger parented obsessively. Two years ago, I graduated with honors from an Ivy with a job offer in hand at MBB.

Fast forward to six months ago: I'm fired for my job for underperforming, I feel lonely and isolated, and I have absolutely no clue what I want to do with my future because I have little sense of self.

THIS is what tiger parenting really does to kids. It takes children (some of whom might have sensitive temperments like myself) and uses their achievements to feed a parent's narcissistic ego.

I have a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, which features a lack of identity and an unstable sense of self at its core. I attribute this to my parents dictating everything for me and prohibiting me from truly exploring to really find myself. They focused relentlessly on prestige and money, and now I feel chronically empty and suicidal as a result. [/quote]

The classic symptoms of BPD  - never taking any responsibility for their failures, blaming people close to them, chronic depression, inability to feel joy, lack of any empathy for others and huge sense of entitlement. 
It’s you. You are the problem.[/quote]

This. My DD “self diagnosed” using Dr Google and claimed BPD. We adjusted her meds and got her on the right dosage. And then gently compassionately we told her to get over herself, get going, and get growing. We all have sh*t from our childhoods. The most productive of us learn grow heal and move the f forward. [/quote]
I'd be loading up an extra lithobid too if you were my parent, [b]oh my god. What I've recognized from tiger parents is the inability to believe your kid has any skill of their own, so you have to have this controlling mentality to get them to where you want them. Some kids come out the batch a little messed up, doesn't mean you need to tell em that they're invalid and need to get over themselves.

You'd think most of you went through WW2 or something with how demeaning your style of parenting is.[/b][/quote]

I'm the PP who was diagnosed with BPD. You are right on the money. The parents who create BPD kids (BPD is usually agreed to be created by both innately sensitive personality and a chronically invalidating childhood) tend to be demeaning and inflexible. The sheer lack of empathy in that comment, as well as the obviously controlling nature of that parent, suggests that they need a lot of gentleness in their life.

That's what's missing from tiger parents: gentleness and compassion. And while Amy Chua and other tiger parents talk about how much "strength" and "resilience" comes from tiger parenting, it's obvious that the strongest people I know were raised with gentleness, compassion, and unconditional affirmation -- that secure attachment is what creates genuine resilience. [/quote]

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