Reply to If you "tiger mom'd" your kids, how did they turn out in college (and beyond)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the OP of this thread:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1207813.page

I was tiger parented obsessively. Two years ago, I graduated with honors from an Ivy with a job offer in hand at MBB.

Fast forward to six months ago: I'm fired for my job for underperforming, I feel lonely and isolated, and I have absolutely no clue what I want to do with my future because I have little sense of self.

THIS is what tiger parenting really does to kids. It takes children (some of whom might have sensitive temperments like myself) and uses their achievements to feed a parent's narcissistic ego.

I have a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, which features a lack of identity and an unstable sense of self at its core. I attribute this to my parents dictating everything for me and prohibiting me from truly exploring to really find myself. They focused relentlessly on prestige and money, and now I feel chronically empty and suicidal as a result. [/quote]

The classic symptoms of BPD  - never taking any responsibility for their failures, blaming people close to them, chronic depression, inability to feel joy, lack of any empathy for others and huge sense of entitlement. 
It’s you. You are the problem.[/quote]

This. My DD “self diagnosed” using Dr Google and claimed BPD. We adjusted her meds and got her on the right dosage. And then gently compassionately we told her to get over herself, get going, and get growing. We all have sh*t from our childhoods. The most productive of us learn grow heal and move the f forward. [/quote]

I am the PP who was diagnosed with BPD.

First off, I understand that it's difficult to have a sensitive child. Having a daughter who tells you what she felt like you did wrong as a parent is difficult! You are probably in distress, and I get that that's painful.

With that being said, your response of telling your daughter to get over herself and get going because we all have shit from our childhoods and need to move the f*ck forward is NOT the right response. At all. For one, the bitterness and rage of your response contradicts the "gentle compassion" you claim to talk to your daughter towards. And yes, even if you didn't use those exact words or phrases to tell your daughter to get over herself, I can promise you that she can sense your dismissiveness, rage, bitterness, and lack of empathy.

Here's a more helpful response towards your daughter:

"I am sorry you feel that I wronged you as a kid. It must be distressing to have a childhood that you felt like wronged you. I hope you know that I tried my best as a parent. I hope you can forgive me. I love you no matter what."

It takes strength and courage to be gentle, PP. Best of luck. [/quote]

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