Reply to NYT Article on Open Marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yeah, but one of the major tenets of marriage is "forsaking all others."[/quote]

It's just a way to feel good about cheating. Don't take it too seriously.[/quote]

lol, it’s not cheating if both partners agree to it.[/quote]

It’s worse than cheating if one partner is pressured into it. [/quote]

Everyone has to stand up for what they want in a marriage. There’s a door if you want to leave.[/quote]

I mean, generally healthy marriages are not approached like business negotiations between adversaries. [/quote]

The fact that that’s what you took away from my statement tells me you have a closed mind about this. The point is, everyone has their limits. If you allow someone to push yours, then you’re complicit in that. But some people love being victims. Shrug.[/quote]

The fact that you cannot understand why what you wrote is so dysfunctional says it all. It also really seems to indicate that the power play of “negotiating boundaries” is what some polyamorous people are really into. Meanwhile, healthy relationships (of all types) are built of empathy and mutual deference, not asserting your own wants at every point and making your partner “stand up” for themselves constantly. [/quote]

NP. Agree. It's one thing to tell your partner that you have unmet needs and you want to work with them to try to have those needs met with them. That's not putting the union at risk. It might be putting the status quo at risk, but for a lot of LTRs the status quo is not sustainable.

The moment you say to your partner "I want to open up" you are changing it forever. There is no going back. The union is different from that point forward. [/quote]

There’s no way to have the conversation without having the conversation. [/quote]

Sure there is. In a good relationship you’d already know or intuit your partner’s willingness to try something like this. And your sexual relationship would not have gotten to the point where you feel like you have “unmet needs.” [/quote]

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