Reply to Raising kids in a competitive UMC community? Would you do it all over again?

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[quote=Anonymous]I am the previous poster who said I wanted my kids to be intelligent, happy, and well-adjusted.  I realize that intelligence and happiness are two different things and can even work at cross-purposes.  Let me define further:

Intelligent - above average I.Q but enough emotional intelligence not to annoy other people by showing it off, considered to be smart enough to tackle a high-paying professional job and take on novel challenges, interested in academic subjects and intellectual issues widely discussed by the UMC, does well in school, makes well-reasoned life choices based on acquired knowledge

Happiness - good relations with friends and family so feels confident of social circle and trusts others to do the right thing, sees the glass as half full or at least has a reasonable perspective on setbacks and problems, accepting of personal limitations but still growth-oriented, not jealous of others and their success, typically enjoys daily life,  looks forward to future, not constantly anxious or ruminating about small issues

Well-adjusted - able to be pleasant and kind to everyone who deserves it without snobbery, able to understand prejudices and counter one's one own inherent prejudices, able to adapt to changing times, able to travel globally and understand different cultures well enough to enjoy and share learnings, and modify one's own lifestyle for the better to become happier.

I have a pretty detailed set of thoughts on how I want my kids to have a better life and most of it involves life philosophy and attitude coaching.  I've showed them various windows on the life they might have had in other neighborhoods, but let them choose their own path.  For example, both of my kids turned down the chance to get in the lottery for a top-ranked multi-district public IB magnet school.  Too much homework on a daily basis, and a very ordinary set of school facilities.  In our area, that's the only school that reliably sends kids to Ivies.  High school study abroad was another window for my oldest child.  Bit of culture shock for him being around UMC kids from more competitive areas.  The university he wants to go to (where I got my grad degree) is "just" a safety school for many of them.

I just didn't have the energy needed to live my current family lifestyle in the DMV in the suburbs I lived in as a kid and a single person.  Sometimes you can "win" by walking away.  That said, it's a fairly irreversible decision.  My parents and my nuclear family would not be able to afford buying back in.  And times change anyway.  I visited Bethesda a year ago and stayed in the hotel above the Metro for a few days.  It's turning into a big city vs. the little town it used to be.  Can't believe the Tastee Diner is still there below all the high rises![/quote]

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