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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My ILs drink every day, usually a beer or two with lunch, at least one gin- or whiskey-based cocktail at 5, and usually also wine with dinner.

DH and I sometimes have either a cocktail or a glass of wine, but usually not. We just don’t happen to drink much.

They comment. Peer-pressure-y questions about why not, and dumb remarks like “We didn’t raise you right” or “You’re missing out.” We just brush it off, but now that my kids are older, I don’t like this dynamic. Suggestions on how to shut it down once and for all?[/quote]

I have one:  lighten up.  Join them.  They’re right.  [/quote]

We get that you are self-conscious about your heavy drinking, but that doesn’t mean any of us need to join you.

OP, DH needs to have a direct conversation with his parents, that now that the kids are older and are starting to notice, this needs to stop. I’m assuming you have never told them not to drink or what to drink or when, correct? If that’s the case, he can use that point to tell them, “We don’t comment on your choices; you need to extend that same courtesy to us.”

If it continues, you curb time with them.[/quote]

NP. I'm late to this thread but the post above is the way to go, OP.

Your DH, not you, handles this. Frame it as about the kids hearing things DH and you do not want them hearing. The part about "We don't comment on your choices..." above is spot on, too. DH also may need to tell his parents that if the drinking talk persists even after his conversation with them, the kids won't be around as much, period.

One thing -- the ILs might get huffy and take offense etc. They might even start to think it's fine to undermine DH and you, as the kids get older, by making comments directly to the kids, maybe comments about the kids being excited to turn 18 (when you can drink beer and wine in some places) or whoopee, 21. That kind of talk normalizes drinking in a way that tweens and teens and college age kids just don't need to hear--they'll get plenty of pro-drinking messages from their peers and media anyway. I'd keep a close eye out for the ILs pulling stunts like comments directly to kids in the future. [/quote]

OP here. Thank you and other PP so much. You are spot on that we don’t want the kids picking up on this kind of talk and pressure. We have no qualms with ILs drinking in our home, but the peer pressure and bad example of such commentary has got to stop. DH is going to have a talk with them, as you’ve suggested. [/quote]

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