Reply to Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why would she not get a say in who comes over to her home and when?? If she moves in, it's her home too. Of course she deserves a heads up when she will have guests![/quote]

They’re not guests. They’re OP’s kids. OP is never going to treat them like guests. Maybe a rule could be set up about a heads up if they bring a friend over. But the kids are family and likely consider their dad’s house “home” the way many young adult children do when they are first launching.[/quote]

I'm not a guest in my parent's home, but I also don't just show up unannounced, and certainly not with guests. I think GF is completely justified in wanting a reasonable expectation of privacy if she's going to make this her home. It's not saying the kids aren't welcome. It's saying this would be her home too, not just OP, and she deserves to know when she'll be entertaining, and maybe even occasionally say she's not up to it.

The kids are adults with their own homes. We're not talking about teens still living at home with dad. [/quote]

We aren’t talking about “adults with their own homes.” We’re talking about college kids who are likely living in some sort of group rental who are spending the summer going back to their childhood home. I don’t disagree a text ahead of time or notice of bringing friends over is unreasonable. But OP’s post literally says the kids need an “invite” and limits on how often they can be there.

We all know that if OP and their mom were still married, these kids would be welcome at their childhood home without an official invite or time limits. So the boundaries are for the sole benefit of the GF. She is trying to make the kids visitors to the home they grew up in, where they were minors and had a legal right to live until just recently.

Should a parent who wants to retain a close relationship with their young adult children turn them away and put up barriers to them visiting for a significant other? Apparently some people say yes. But personally I wouldn’t want to live with someone who can’t treat my college aged kids like family who are welcome in their own home (rules about friends coming over, fine). Over time the kids will become more independent and less interested in being back home. But the college years are definitely important years where kids need a safe place to come back to while they adjust to living on their own. No way would I take away their stability and childhood home while they’re still getting established into adulthood. [/quote]

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