Reply to Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What I fail to understand is why do you feel your sister owes you a relationship beyond what she’s given you? Why do you feel entitled to her time or energy? Just because you’re sisters? Sometimes that’s not enough. Sometimes personalities clash and as adults you get to choose who you want to be connected to. Why is that not enough for you?

I’m not close to one sibling. We see each other during family gatherings a few times a year and are cordial, but beyond that I have no interest in her life. At all. She is who she is and I accept that. I am who I am and don’t make any apologies for being me. And no, I don’t think it’s unfortunate because we both have full but separate lives. And for me, that’s ok. [/quote]

Well, that's a good question.

Here's what's happened in the past. I will leave her alone after an attempt at speaking to her. Through mutual friends and family, she will find out I'm in town. A cousin will contact me, asking if I want to see my sister. I will say, "Of course." My cousin will say, just this past weekend, that my sister says she's been thinking about me. I get my hopes up. I send my cousin and my BIL a short text. "I'll be in town at this time and this place, if you have time and you want to see me." I don't impose on them. I stay at a hotel. I rent a car. I can't make plans with her to be somewhere at a particular time and place. I've already explained that my sister would consistently show up an hour late. Then, when the time comes for us to meet, my sister says she's too tired. Or she has to work a shift at the grocery store. But I'm there a few days. And sometimes, she will make the time to be where we were going to meet, except the next day.

I don't talk about this with any extended family or friends. There are only two or three cousins, my first cousins, who know that my sister refuses to speak to me. [/quote]

And all of this was 10 or more years ago. Unless the story has changed. Also, I don't get how you claim you can't make plans but you're still setting up times to meet her. Whatever.

OP, your sister doesn't want to see you. We don't know her reasons. Although if I had a sister who mocked me for working at the grocery store instead of using my therapy degree I might pass on you too.

Again, if you're serious about wanting a relationship with her, you're going to need to do something more than arranging a show-down at OK Corral through your BIL and/or cousins. Because that's probably what she thinks it's going to be. You need to give her a strong indication that you sincerely want to reunite, and that you're willing to apologize for whatever you haven't told us, so long as she's also sincerely willing to meet and apologize if necessary. Send a letter or card directly to her.[/quote]

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