Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people saying not to contact my sister when I'm in town, I don't think that was the right thing to do, either. If I'm in town, and I'm at a huge gathering where other mutual family and friends will see me, then my sister would have reason to be upset, that I didn't contact her.

It's not your sister's fault you have no other friends. Work on you first instead of laying all your problems at her feet. The common denominator in you lack of family, friends, other women in your life is you.

Sounds like Dr. Phil.

I actually signed up for season tickets to the ballet, and then also to volunteer at the theatre. I feel like I can make friends through mutual interest in the arts.

I really do appreciate most of the comments on here. You've been very helpful.

OP, you don't realize you're self-owning, but you are. Watching your behavior on this thread, you seem in denial. You lash out (Dr Phil, other insults) at anybody who doesn't make you out to be an angel. You refuse therapy. You launch into bizarre speculation about why your parents waited four years to have a kid. You talk about your sister to her husband behind her back, and so much more. You don't have any friends in your fifties, and that's a red flag.

Please don't limit yourself to seeking validation from the few people on this thread who still trust you. Please seek therapy.

My sister has a master's in psychology. She mostly went to school to work out some of her own issues. It's why I don't believe in "therapy". Most psychologists and therapists I have seen, are some messed up people.

So you mocked your sister's career earlier in the thread, now you're mocking her degree, and you're slamming an entire profession. Can you see the problem in your relationship with her yet?

Anonymous wrote:

I'm very susceptible to being bullied by other women in the workplace. I have no women friends in my life.

Yea. You’re the problem here. Can’t imagine the truths your sister would say if she was posting here.

Anonymous wrote:This thread has gone off the rails.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, some people are really vested in proving that I'm at fault.

And this is what perpetuates these family dynamics. I said that you're only getting my side of the story. I said I was genuinely sorry, and I apologized. I wanted to move forward.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, since you said you live a plane ride away from everyone in your hometown , I’m assuming your sister was more involved in elder care? Sometimes that can do it.

No, my mother died almost 20 years ago. I was still living there up until 2010, when I moved. You're assuming wrong. I was there for my mother. She was not an elder. She was in her early 50s. She was sick for about 3 months. I was actually the one who handled everything.

So your sister handled everything for your dad.

DP. Please just shut up.

That's really mature. You must be OP?

Anonymous wrote:Nobody cuts off a close family member without good reason. Nobody.

When you hurt people, don't expect to get away with it indefinitely.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you don’t care about her or really want a relationship, you just want to needle her. You don’t get your lack of connection with her to be her call.

Too bad, she jettisoned your controlling arse, and she sounds well-rid of you.

Anonymous wrote:What if she passed away and you never knew about it ?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I fail to understand is why do you feel your sister owes you a relationship beyond what she’s given you? Why do you feel entitled to her time or energy? Just because you’re sisters? Sometimes that’s not enough. Sometimes personalities clash and as adults you get to choose who you want to be connected to. Why is that not enough for you?

I’m not close to one sibling. We see each other during family gatherings a few times a year and are cordial, but beyond that I have no interest in her life. At all. She is who she is and I accept that. I am who I am and don’t make any apologies for being me. And no, I don’t think it’s unfortunate because we both have full but separate lives. And for me, that’s ok.

Well, that's a good question.

Here's what's happened in the past. I will leave her alone after an attempt at speaking to her. Through mutual friends and family, she will find out I'm in town. A cousin will contact me, asking if I want to see my sister. I will say, "Of course." My cousin will say, just this past weekend, that my sister says she's been thinking about me. I get my hopes up. I send my cousin and my BIL a short text. "I'll be in town at this time and this place, if you have time and you want to see me." I don't impose on them. I stay at a hotel. I rent a car. I can't make plans with her to be somewhere at a particular time and place. I've already explained that my sister would consistently show up an hour late. Then, when the time comes for us to meet, my sister says she's too tired. Or she has to work a shift at the grocery store. But I'm there a few days. And sometimes, she will make the time to be where we were going to meet, except the next day.

I don't talk about this with any extended family or friends. There are only two or three cousins, my first cousins, who know that my sister refuses to speak to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I fail to understand is why do you feel your sister owes you a relationship beyond what she’s given you? Why do you feel entitled to her time or energy? Just because you’re sisters? Sometimes that’s not enough. Sometimes personalities clash and as adults you get to choose who you want to be connected to. Why is that not enough for you?

I’m not close to one sibling. We see each other during family gatherings a few times a year and are cordial, but beyond that I have no interest in her life. At all. She is who she is and I accept that. I am who I am and don’t make any apologies for being me. And no, I don’t think it’s unfortunate because we both have full but separate lives. And for me, that’s ok.

Well, that's a good question.

Here's what's happened in the past. I will leave her alone after an attempt at speaking to her. Through mutual friends and family, she will find out I'm in town. A cousin will contact me, asking if I want to see my sister. I will say, "Of course." My cousin will say, just this past weekend, that my sister says she's been thinking about me. I get my hopes up. I send my cousin and my BIL a short text. "I'll be in town at this time and this place, if you have time and you want to see me." I don't impose on them. I stay at a hotel. I rent a car. I can't make plans with her to be somewhere at a particular time and place. I've already explained that my sister would consistently show up an hour late. Then, when the time comes for us to meet, my sister says she's too tired. Or she has to work a shift at the grocery store. But I'm there a few days. And sometimes, she will make the time to be where we were going to meet, except the next day.

I don't talk about this with any extended family or friends. There are only two or three cousins, my first cousins, who know that my sister refuses to speak to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people saying not to contact my sister when I'm in town, I don't think that was the right thing to do, either. If I'm in town, and I'm at a huge gathering where other mutual family and friends will see me, then my sister would have reason to be upset, that I didn't contact her.

It's not your sister's fault you have no other friends. Work on you first instead of laying all your problems at her feet. The common denominator in you lack of family, friends, other women in your life is you.

Sounds like Dr. Phil.

I actually signed up for season tickets to the ballet, and then also to volunteer at the theatre. I feel like I can make friends through mutual interest in the arts.

I really do appreciate most of the comments on here. You've been very helpful.

OP, you don't realize you're self-owning, but you are. Watching your behavior on this thread, you seem in denial. You lash out (Dr Phil, other insults) at anybody who doesn't make you out to be an angel. You refuse therapy. You launch into bizarre speculation about why your parents waited four years to have a kid. You talk about your sister to her husband behind her back, and so much more. You don't have any friends in your fifties, and that's a red flag.

Please don't limit yourself to seeking validation from the few people on this thread who still trust you. Please seek therapy.

You missed the post where OP clearly states that she doesn't have friends in the city where she currently lives, but she DOES have friends and relatives in her hometown. So yes, she does have friends, but in a different geographical location

Same as me, and I'm 55. No close friends here, only casual acquaintances or surface level friends.
My best friends are in my hometown (they never moved away) and we've known each other since we were kids or teens.

There are ride-or-die friends in your hometown and there are friends you have dinner with when you visit every two years. It's not clear which OP has.

Anonymous wrote:What I fail to understand is why do you feel your sister owes you a relationship beyond what she’s given you? Why do you feel entitled to her time or energy? Just because you’re sisters? Sometimes that’s not enough. Sometimes personalities clash and as adults you get to choose who you want to be connected to. Why is that not enough for you?

I’m not close to one sibling. We see each other during family gatherings a few times a year and are cordial, but beyond that I have no interest in her life. At all. She is who she is and I accept that. I am who I am and don’t make any apologies for being me. And no, I don’t think it’s unfortunate because we both have full but separate lives. And for me, that’s ok.