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[quote=Anonymous]My father had a heart attack recently.  Several siblings rushed out to help.  I didn't.  I have experienced sudden hospitalizations like that in my own immediate family, and the folks that rush in are sometimes in the way or acting on their own anxieties and not especially helpful.  Seeing how things go and then supporting in with what is needed/wanted is sometimes a better approach, especially if others have already rushed in.  People in crisis don't need a big crowd.   But bigger than that, I have a teen in crisis and can't leave - and none of my siblings or parents know what is going on.  So from the outside, it very much could look like I don't care or am not pitching in because they don't know that I simply can't.  Their potential judgement is just something that I have to accept.

Even if it's perhaps too generous at times, I've found that giving people the benefit of the doubt - that they must have good reasons for their behavior - is a kind approach.  Even if the brother-in-law is simply a selfish jerk, then why expect that would change if his mother is ill?  Otherwise, there could be many very good reasons for his behavior that you just don't know about.[/quote]

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