Reply to 6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends

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Reply to "6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thanks for the advice and BTDT on this thread.  I really appreciate people taking a few minutes to share their kids' experiences.

To be clear, my priority is no way my friendships with these girls' parents.  I have plenty of friends from other areas of life (work, grad school, neighbors).  But is it really that unusual to become friends with some of the parents of your kids' friends?  Our kids chose to be friends on their own (in no way social engineered) and I have spent hours upon hours with these people on the sidelines of games, at BBQs, school events.  That evolved into adult dinners, parties, even travel.  My questions was whether I should reach out to find out more about what is going on, again not applying pressure to include DD, just to better understand the source of the problem.  Most of the responses have been a resounding no to this.

DD is not at a super small private, and it expands this year and in 7th, so seeking out friendships with some new kids is a really good idea.   She does tend to be dramatic, and maybe that is a turn off to some of these friends.  But the hurt she is feeling is real, and I've see with my own eyes the overt meanness on multiple occasions, so she is no way making this up in her head.

Thanks again for some of the tangible advice provided about how to help DD develop a thicker skin and become more resilient.  [/quote]

We have BTDT in 6th grade too. It was difficult and devastating for DD but just wanted to share that things improved dramatically starting in 7th grade. I had been close with the moms as well, but distanced myself once my DD was excluded. I wouldn’t bring it up to the moms. They know your DD is missing whether they admit it or not. Even if you ask one, you will get a generic message that the girls are growing apart, etc. They will not admit their daughters are being rude. If they say anything to their daughters it will just bring more strife to your DD.

The best advice I can share is that if your DD branches out with new activities and friends, she will get through it successfully. It takes time and is hard but by early 7th grade and beyond it will be behind her. One thing I observed from our DD is that she never again had all of her friendships in one place. Through HS and college she maintained multiple groups of friends from different activities.

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