Reply to 6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends

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Reply to "6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I'm trying not to make this about me, but I'm also super annoyed at the parents (my friends!) for not being more sensitive about this. After one school event, DD watched as 6 of her best friends climbed into a car for a sleepover. She cried for hours. When I've casually approached a few of the parents about DD having issues this year with being excluded, they said, "Oh, I had no idea!" and then nothing changes. I hesitate pushing more -- what is the answer? They force their DDs to invite my DD to things? That would likely make things worse.[/quote]

Others have made great suggestions on how to help your daughter (get her involved in new activities and connect with new people).  My son has both been on the receiving and giving end of this behavior, and the only thing that helped when he was on the receiving end was to connect with other kids outside the group.

Regarding the moms, I agree that they should be more honest that the kids are drifting apart.  However, separate from that, there's not a ton that they can do at this age.  They can talk to their kids, but what they will get in response is likely facial agreement to be nicer, and then the same behavior.  You are right that they cannot and should not force their kids to invite yours.  It's not going to lead to a good result for anyone.[/quote]

I agree with just about everything you said.  As a mom, I wouldn’t force my daughter to be friends with anyone, but as OP’s friend, I would invite her out to coffee to chat about it.  I’d be completely honest that I’ve seen the girls grow apart, and if I know what’s going on, I would gently say it (“Larla has said that your daughter made unkind comments about her clothing repeatedly even after she asked your child to stop” or “Larla tells me that she just isn’t connecting with your daughter anymore” - whatever it is) or “OP, I honestly have no idea what is happening, but I feel so bad about it and I’ve talked to my daughter about kindness.”  I do think that would go a long way for OP just from a friendship point of view, that and acknowledging the obvious - that there has been a change in the girls’ dynamic.[/quote]

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