Reply to Still in love with AP

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are all human and flawed. I suspect the grass isn’t greener with the AP. How well do you really even know this person without seriously dating or living together?

Maybe you just wanted an escape? You’ll repeat your worst self eventually in this new relationship unless you do the hard work of figuring out why you even went there. People aren’t unicorn and rainbows. [/quote]

Also: The OP says the affair has been over (well, except...OP and the supposedly-ex AP keep in touch) for several years. Years. Yet OP believes in the AP's love. I suspect the AP is keeping OP on a string in case this other relationship, which the OP characterizes as "serious," does not pan out, or that relationship just gets stale and the AP then tugs on OP's string to restart the affair. OP will deny this forever, believing AP is in love with OP. But OP is so invested now in "the grass is greener" thinking that OP can't even entertain the idea that the idealized AP could remotely be keeping up contact in order to hang onto OP as a backup.

I know that sounds ugly, OP, if you're reading this. But you need some seriously realistic talk, not coddling. It sounds like your therapist is doing some coddling already. You need a new therapist who will be realistic with you. 
[/quote]

Read up on narcissists.  They always keep the ex on a string because it makes them feel in control.

[b]Narcissists often have a habit of staying in contact with their exes in a way that is solely about their own needs. "The central motivator for narcissists is validation,"   A narcissist will continue to come back after “no contact”[/b] until their targets cut off all forms of narcissistic supply, leaving them no choice but to go find other prey upon which to feed.

As far as if you were actually to go no contact, OP:  Most true narcissists don't need time to heal from a break up as their initial feelings about the relationship were likely insincere or absent.[/quote]

OP, do you see this, above? It's intended for you. Learn about narcissists. Even if your AP isn't a full-blown diagnosable narcissist, the staying in touch with you is not the beautiful sign of love you think it is. If this person actually loved you enough to [i]care about your well-being and your physical and emotional health,[/i] would he intentionally keep you off-kilter, always worked up, on pins and needles? That is exactly what your AP is doing by staying in touch. And you contribute to it whenever you stay in touch from your end. I think you will ignore the PP above, and this post, because your AP has said he still loves you and you have no objectivity to see past that. I hope I'm wrong about that. [/quote]

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