Reply to Divorce with kids - do you regret it?

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Reply to "Divorce with kids - do you regret it?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Nobody ever admits that they regret it.  If the impact on children is bad, they are in denial about it.[/quote]

No regrets at all. My kids are fine. Minimal impact of divorce. It is not really a big deal unless people are immature and have a disaster of a divorce. If finances are maintained and parents are civil and coparent fine, divorce is not a big deal. Regret not doing it sooner.[/quote]

See, that's what people say when they are in denial.  Are some kids fine?  Sure.  But not as many as divorced people would have us believe.[/quote]

No one is in denial. My kids have an infinitely better childhood than I had with miserably married parents. Had almost no impact on them at all. No financial impact, no moving, we are flexible in seeing them, 50/50 custody and not strict about days, no fighting, same neighborhood, same schools, same college fund, same retirement account. Lived as separate in the house years before divorce as well as separate holidays with our families...there has literally been almost zero impact...except they got an extra house 6 minutes away.

[b]If they complain in the future, honestly, I am going to say "Cry me a river."[/b] I had an awful childhood despite the appearance that everything was fine. It was awful. My kids have two parents who love them who are not married. They lost nothing except us under the same roof. Hardly the end of the world.[/quote]

While it seems you had a “good divorce” the bolded makes me question you and your parenting.  Just because kids aren’t in an abusive situation (which I would assume you were) doesn’t mean they won’t question things and may need counseling to deal.  It’s sad that you are that unavailable to their thoughts

[/quote]

Stop assuming divorce is the worst. My kids are likely better off than yours. [b]There is nothing to question[/b]. It was obvious it was not a normal marriage. We coparent fine. [b]Most people are too emotionally immature to handle that[/b]. [/quote]

Nope nothing to question here.  I'm going to bet you were never able to question your parents and were given little sympathy growing up. 
Good luck to you!

[/quote]

I did question my parents: I asked then to divorce when I was 8. They did not due to custody favoring the mother then and the stigma of divorce. It was a very bad childhood growing up with parents who clearly despised each other. I was not normalizing or repeating that pattern when I found myself in the same situation (but admittedly, I was pressured to marry and everyone said my doubts were wrong—they were not.) I won’t do that to my kids either. [b]My kids are perfectly happy and fine with the divorce and don’t feel they “lost” anything—because they told me.[/b] So, you can remain on your high judgemental horse, which is completely wrong. The ridiculous “stigma” and assumptions has got to go. I got out of a bad (marriage) contract. That is it. Kids are fine with two parents and almost no change in their lives. [/quote]

Right, I'm sure they told you the truth.  They definitely weren't placating you because you'd act like a nut and refuse to accept their actual opinions if you were willing to hear them.

Thank you for providing a perfect illustration of a parent in denial of the impact of divorce.[/quote]

It was the first time they brought emotions up. I did not ask. Kid literally said: “I am not sad. I did not lose anything.” But keep up your tragic divorce stigma…[/quote]

I say this kindly: people who are secure in their choices and decisions don't feel the need to spend great amounts of time arguing with strangers on the internet about them. I would try to examine why this is triggering for you. [/quote]

I am trying to reduce the stigma of divorce. Why married people think that they are superior infuriates me. You continue to perpetuate an idea of divorce that is not always the case. [/quote]

1. You have no idea what my situation is 
2. You can reduce the stigma of divorce by BEING HONEST, which you are choosing not to be. Pretending everything is exactly the same is just factually incorrect, so why should we take your word on anything?[/quote]

What part of one thing changed do you not understand. My kids got an extra house. There literally is nothing different for them. I said write a list and I’ll tell you what changed because nothing dead I said write a list and I’ll tell you what changed because nothing did for them. Not really. Normal is relative and so is change stop assuming that there was a massive change just because there was a divorce it literally is a legal piece of paper. Yes there are two houses with the interactions in the houses are exactly the same as before because we live separately in the same house for the entire marriage there are no memories of us doing stuff together we’re having dinner together we’re going to family stuff together we did all of that separately. I did all the parenting until a certain age and then he chipped in so by the time we were divorced they were used to us being completely separate because they have no memory of us even sharing a room together so stop making assumptions about other peoples divorces! Have the same amount of time and the same amount of money we just have two houses six minutes apart. [/quote]

Cry me a river PP
Cry me a river.

I personally have no issue with you divorcing.  What you need to understand is your attitude toward your kids voicing concern will hurt them.  Because the words cry me a river are dismissive and rude.[/quote]

Do you know how to read because I said if they complain AS ADULTS I will say that! But they won’t: they are fine. They know that their childhood is infinitely better than mine ever was and they have nothing to complain about.[/quote]

well, yes it is perfectly clear you have no problem being rude and dismissive to adults.  Don’t worry- message received!  Adult children also won’t respond well to that and no if you will refer to your text you said “if in the future” not “If when they are adults’
Hopefully they will be able to afford their own therapy as adults and will not be talking to you about it.[/quote]

Divorce is not like many other traumatic things. Especially an amicable one. Get off your high and mighty inaccurate horse. [/quote]

Your kids won’t need therapy because of the divorce.  Many kids are fine after a divorce. The therapy will be because of your resentment that their childhood is better than yours and so they can’t say anything.  [/quote]

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