Reply to Growing share of childless adults in U.S. don’t expect to ever have children

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it is because women and men are more lazy. I say that as my mother in law and father in law both with HS degrees had there kids.

My father in law after first took a part time job 20 hours a week after his full time job, they both a single failing house with two “boarders” in house in upstairs of cape. They rented rooms. They never went out to eat and mom went back to work when youngest turned 12.

Today most men would not get a second job, take in a boarder or skip luxuries a few years so wife could stay home and have three kids. They just whine and watch Netflix and play fortnight whine they hire gardeners, gutter cleaners. and handymen to do their work whine their wife struggles to work full time and raise kids. No wonder women are pushing back. [/quote]
This is very true. American men are absurdly lazy. I’m an immigrant woman who married an American man and this laggard is bringing down the family. He combines very high living standards with very poor work ethic. I was working in very lucrative job when we married and so was he. Two special needs kids later, we are in a diminished financial position. I am the one who suffered complications giving birth to them and who does most of the childcare, yet I am undaunted. I stick to a budget and I have a side gig that is bringing in $2000-3000 extra per month. It never occurred to me to give up.

In contrast, my husband’s expenses have gone up as he has added a therapist to coach him through the depression that no longer having it easy has apparently caused him. He insist that he went to school for only one thing, so he can’t learn new skills or even help grow my side gig. He works only 9-5 and mismanages his time so that his ranking in his sales job has steadily fallen. Soon, he will be unemployed and he has another thing coming if he thinks he’s going to live off me.

All of the men in my family are absolutely scandalized by how useless he is. All of the Americans in our friend group, however, applaud him merely for holding down a job despite his “depression.” People here just have very low standards for themselves. The concept of rising to the occasion just doesn’t exist in this culture—at least not among middle class whites.[/quote]

Depression is an illness that can be debilitating. How dare you put it in sarcastic quotes. I struggle with it daily. Your attitude doesn't help him at all-- I don't even think you want to help him. You should divorce him if you don't have any respect for him. He would be better off without a wife like you who only values money. [/quote]
Immigrant PP here. Don’t whine about depression to me, you lazy American. Laziness is what you’re suffering from. Do you want to know what depression is? Depression is losing two siblings to malaria and my mother to complications from childbirth because we couldn’t afford ordinary antibiotics. That’s my background. Now that I am a mother, I feel those losses even deeply. And that’s just a fraction of my story. In spite of that suffering, I get up every single day and fight to do what I have to do. Because I have responsibilities to others. I owe it to my children and my family to do my part. You Americans have no concept of owing others something. If you don’t feel like doing something for yourself, that’s the end of the story. It’s all about you. And that’s why your whole life collapses once one bad thing happens to you. You are quitters. Even your divorce answer is that of a quitter. My husband needs to get up and get to living. I will do my best to motivate him. I am not staying for the joy of him. I am staying to keep my children’s family together and because I still believe in him — concepts most Americans don’t understand. I would never ever marry an American again, but I made my bed with this one and will stay the course as long as I can.[/quote]

My grandfather, a white man, was married early in life.  His first wife died in childbirth.  He then married my grandmother.  They lost their first child aged three to illness.  He was married to my grandmother for close to 40 years when she died in a car accident.  He then found a lovely lady friend who died in bed next to him after being together about 10 years.

He suffered from depression due to trauma throughout his life.  There was so much loss in his life and yet he spent his life being a fire fighter dedicated to helping those around him, he worked his entire life.  My grandparents also fostered a little boy and gave him a loving home.

Immigrants are not the only ones who suffer trauma and white men can be outstanding examples of human kindness just as I'm sure immigrant men can be.  I would say the colour of a man's skin doesn't determine his worth or his heart.  My grandfather fell at certain points in his life but eventually picked himself up.  I have the greatest admiration for him and his ability to do so.

With so much hate in your heart, I am sure your husband struggles seeing this and this adds to his problems.  You would do better being divorced where he can go be married to someone who doesn't disdain the colour of his skin and the fact that he is American.[/quote]

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