Reply to Husband said I’m selfish and terrible wife and he will divorce me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Who are all these PPs normalizing threatening divorce? No, it’s not ok and not normal. [/quote]
People in toxic abusive relationships.

People who are abusive.

People who grew up with parents/ family that treated each other this way and don't see anything wrong with it.

People who value having a man/ husband above all else.[/quote]

Threatening divorce is an attention getting statement.  It means I am hurting to the point where I want to change my life without you in it.  If he said this, he has been thing about it for a long time.  It's not normal and not ok for the relationship.  But it is honest.  It's a last clear shot to save things.  Perhaps they are too far gone already by the time you are saying it.  It's only abusive if it is a pattern over time.  Here is does not seem that way but rather the possible end point of the marriage.

For those that think it is per se abusive, please tell me how else you communicate that you are done and leaving?  I agree a pattern of this is abusive.  But I would have said this only once and been done with the relationship.[/quote]

When my husband was saying and doing things that were not tolerable to me in our marriage, I started making plans for what the next steps would be if they continued. We'd already had many conversations about his behavior. After I'd thought a bit about moving out (and where I'd go) and what we would do about school, I told him that and asked him to have a conversation with me about it. I think I said something like "I've been looking at apartments for me and the kids if that's a step I need to take. Can we talk about that?" At no point did I say I hated him, although he had certainly said things on par with that to me. It's not that hard to have a conversation about this where you don't yell. [/quote]

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