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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I could not live with this dynamic.  He's a miserable partner and he's cheating on you. I do not see much worth salvaging here.[/quote]

I didn’t read beyond this response, which is dead on.  Document everything, lawyer up, and make sure he gets joint custody so you don’t bear the burden of raising your child essentially 24/7 on your own.  The instinct some have is to seek full custody, but that gives this jackass a free pass.  Don’t forget to go after his retirement account.[/quote]

I was actually thinking about even getting a job myself and declining child support, just getting assets and retirement from him. But it would be a shock to my son if the divorce and full custody transfer to dad happens in high school, as he was primarily raised by me. However, thinking of a college, something in Europe closer to where my husband has the business and mistress would be best arrangement for me, so I can visit our son and focus more on my life in the US. Don’t you think so? [/quote]

Do not decline child support for your son.  Why?  You can still have those other things.  So the company and mistress are located 
 in another country?  This is hard to split company share and harder for DH to have more commitment to AP, harder not impossible.  A woman like her uses him for her gain only if she loves her family, otherwise she’s just as bad and probably has real feelings that she expresses in person because he elevated her.[/quote]

Yes, another country. He was seeing her for 5-7 times a year for a few days, romantic trips. They talk daily for business over the phone. Sorry, I didn't understand what you meant in your last sentence about mistress expressing her feelings in person. Do you believe she loves him? [/quote].

I meant that she’s probably more expressive verbally of her feelings rather than in the short emails you describe.  Might not want to leave a paper trail.   I could not guess if AP has loving feelings or vice versa.  Usually someone does develop stronger feelings in such cases.   It really depends what their conversations are about - how personal and detailed it is about the other person’s life.  How supportive she is of him (and him, her).  How she makes him feel.  Strong, confident, happy, loved, appreciated, stress relieving.  Emotional connection. She partially has this being an integral part of his company.

But, it is hard being a half world apart.  Most people want someone to be near them on a daily basis.  It’s exciting for them to meet up every other month.  Like something forbidden.  Realistically your husband is not looking for a divorce so he says - but that could quickly change or he might have a poker face and  is setting things up legally to divorce when he’s ready.  Or he won’t  to avoid splitting assets and meanwhile have someone take care of him at home.  He didn’t indicate that he wants to move overseas and immigration into the US is tight right now.  She may even be jealous of you remaining the wife.  Or could there be a faint possibility she feels pressured into this to keep her status?  Or maybe she seduced him to help herself attain more?  I don’t know what her motive is.  I do feel that other people help cover up and justify affairs by being told the other person makes them happy and loved vs whatever excuse they give about their home life.  Given her age and education and the duration, she likely has feelings.  With covid, people think about their mortality.  Your husband grew distant and aggravated over the last several months.  Perhaps she is pushing for more?  He’s stressed of this and of business wellbeing in these turbulent times.  Also, that he has not been able to travel.  Could explain his behavior.  [/quote]

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