Anonymous wrote:That has been going on and on. For some reason she is afraid to confront him or the loser that is interfering in her marriage.

Why I'm starting to believe this is a fake post.

If there are pics then send them to the OW anon, that would really freak her out. Sit back and see the fall out.

Not a half bad move. OW doesn’t deserve to live freely. She will not know if her family knows. Time for her to reap what she sows. If you do divorce, leverage best what you can, then reveal the photo and leverage for more extended support/higher amounts/ great share.

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Anonymous wrote:In thinking about this more, OP, I actually think that his not knowing that you know about the mistress gives you a huge tactical advantage. I would not tell him until I had that M.A. I would, in fact, after a short break, be a better wife to him in order to lull him into a sense of false security. I find it easy to be patient and affectionate with someone in whom I no longer have any emotional investment.

Did that with my first husband and I will say it paid off. He didn't cheat, but I needed to get myself in a good position.

I wouldn't care for a man after he cheated, it's over. The cheater pretended he was in a marriage, I could also do that to further my goals.

You made a excellent point however she proceeds.

That is tough. I would have a tough time pulling that off. I much prefer Lorena Bobbitt's approach.

He wasn't worth it, no cheater is. Best to be rid of them, but if you can't financially consider them dead. Cheaters mostly cheat on themselves.

That has been going on and on. For some reason she is afraid to confront him or the loser that is interfering in her marriage.

Why I'm starting to believe this is a fake post.

If there are pics then send them to the OW anon, that would really freak her out. Sit back and see the fall out.

I feel like you had another thread in which I posted a ton of info about getting a divorce.

You still have not decided. Decide if you want a divorce or not.

Getting a master's is not going to help your salary much.

You have to decide if you want to be married or divorced in your own situation. Posting about what to do is irrelevant.

Get lawyer
Get PI
Get money
Get a better job lined up if possible.
Drop PI pics on her husband
Divorce and get alimony and SN childcare for 20 years.

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Anonymous wrote:OP how long are you going to allow it to go on??????

Are you going to contact her OP??? I sure wouldn't have sex with him, and please get yourself tested.

We live separate not sharing bedrooms for 3 months. He moved out of our bedroom himself, pretending it’s because I am hysterical etc. As I said, it’s now “don’t ask don’t tell” marriage. That caused me to investigate and find out everything.
The mistress is abroad. I don’t know her husbands name or address, and I can’t show up there. Plus, I don’t want to disclose my knowledge as I am still getting the ducks in a row.

Wasn't there a thread recently with very similar details except the woman was employed and not SAHM? Also European, mistress was overseas and he was making daily morning calls to her, etc.?

I am that same poster, yes. I am working from home our whole marriage managing US business. In this post I was referring to “not employed” in terms of a corporate job. But I did work all this time, some years made same as my husband working from home. Its just if we indeed divorce, income from my half of the US business won’t be enough and I would need to supplement with a corporate job.
My previous post was created when I didn’t know yet about the mistress.

I hope you are taking your earnings from running the smaller company from home. Not in a joint account. But as cash stashed/spent, separate account so he can’t transfer, liquidate or freeze the assets from you. Try to recoup as much as you can in salary if you have not taken disbursements thus far. You earned your fair share and supported and advised him in the other company venture too.

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Anonymous wrote:I could not live with this dynamic. He's a miserable partner and he's cheating on you. I do not see much worth salvaging here.

I didn’t read beyond this response, which is dead on. Document everything, lawyer up, and make sure he gets joint custody so you don’t bear the burden of raising your child essentially 24/7 on your own. The instinct some have is to seek full custody, but that gives this jackass a free pass. Don’t forget to go after his retirement account.

I was actually thinking about even getting a job myself and declining child support, just getting assets and retirement from him. But it would be a shock to my son if the divorce and full custody transfer to dad happens in high school, as he was primarily raised by me. However, thinking of a college, something in Europe closer to where my husband has the business and mistress would be best arrangement for me, so I can visit our son and focus more on my life in the US. Don’t you think so?

Do not decline child support for your son. Why? You can still have those other things. So the company and mistress are located
in another country? This is hard to split company share and harder for DH to have more commitment to AP, harder not impossible. A woman like her uses him for her gain only if she loves her family, otherwise she’s just as bad and probably has real feelings that she expresses in person because he elevated her.

Yes, another country. He was seeing her for 5-7 times a year for a few days, romantic trips. They talk daily for business over the phone. Sorry, I didn't understand what you meant in your last sentence about mistress expressing her feelings in person. Do you believe she loves him?

.

I meant that she’s probably more expressive verbally of her feelings rather than in the short emails you describe. Might not want to leave a paper trail. I could not guess if AP has loving feelings or vice versa. Usually someone does develop stronger feelings in such cases. It really depends what their conversations are about - how personal and detailed it is about the other person’s life. How supportive she is of him (and him, her). How she makes him feel. Strong, confident, happy, loved, appreciated, stress relieving. Emotional connection. She partially has this being an integral part of his company.

But, it is hard being a half world apart. Most people want someone to be near them on a daily basis. It’s exciting for them to meet up every other month. Like something forbidden. Realistically your husband is not looking for a divorce so he says - but that could quickly change or he might have a poker face and is setting things up legally to divorce when he’s ready. Or he won’t to avoid splitting assets and meanwhile have someone take care of him at home. He didn’t indicate that he wants to move overseas and immigration into the US is tight right now. She may even be jealous of you remaining the wife. Or could there be a faint possibility she feels pressured into this to keep her status? Or maybe she seduced him to help herself attain more? I don’t know what her motive is. I do feel that other people help cover up and justify affairs by being told the other person makes them happy and loved vs whatever excuse they give about their home life. Given her age and education and the duration, she likely has feelings. With covid, people think about their mortality. Your husband grew distant and aggravated over the last several months. Perhaps she is pushing for more? He’s stressed of this and of business wellbeing in these turbulent times. Also, that he has not been able to travel. Could explain his behavior.

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Anonymous wrote:Perhaps I missed it, but how do you know she is "riding his penis?" I appreciate the concern, but there doesn't seem to be any facts to support it.

I have photographic evidence, can't tell how I got it.

Wow, stealthy. Kudos because that is super tricky in nature.

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps I missed it, but how do you know she is "riding his penis?" I appreciate the concern, but there doesn't seem to be any facts to support it.

I have photographic evidence, can't tell how I got it.

Perhaps I missed it, but how do you know she is "riding his penis?" I appreciate the concern, but there doesn't seem to be any facts to support it.

look at the special needs forum in DCUM

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like you are also going through a lot with losing your own identity as a SAHM of a special needs child. Do you belong to a support group for SN parents or something to that effect?

No, I don't, can you recommend one ?